WILL I EVER GET PAST MY REGRET?

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

Do you experience the sick feeling of regret?  It shakes you from your sleep or it bullies your thoughts by day. It may be new to you or the same regret has been haunting you for years. Do you wonder, “Will I ever move past my regret?”

Regret is defined as a feeling of sorrow, remorse, a sense of loss, fault, or disappointment. I see regret as falling into one of two categories. The first category comes as a result of our fault and neglect, the second category is the result of personal loss and disappointment.

Regret due to fault and neglect includes our sinful or negligent choices, and we are reaping the consequences in our lives. It hurts and we feel sick about it.

Worse than our own inner turmoil, is being aware that our actions have had negative repercussions on our loved ones. When our regretful actions involve the most significant people in our lives, our remorse runs deep. The regret over our choices play like a bad dream over and over in our heads.

What can free us from this taunter ?

Jesus Himself, our great High Priest, invites us to receive His mercy. God chose to take on flesh and walk among men and women. He experienced every temptation, yet was without sin. He took our sins upon Him and suffered death on the cross. He did this so we can have forgiveness and a relationship with God. This is why we can approach His throne-His presence-with confidence, because it is a throne of grace! When we move into His presence, confessing our sin, we receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (check out Hebrews 4:14-16).

Let grace and mercy replace your regret

Grace is God’s constant and unfailing faithfulness to His promises and to His people. It includes His unconditional love and acceptance of you. You can neither earn it or lose it.

Mercy means to bend or stoop in kindness. Mercy shows favor and graciousness. It flows from the loving-kindness of God. Both grace and mercy are the very nature of God.

Wouldn’t you love God to replace your regret with His grace and mercy? You aren’t able to fully embrace it for yourself until you face your actions head on with Jesus. But, we put it off. We harbor the guilt and carry the baggage of regret. We allow regret to make its home in our life, and drag it along through the years.

Maybe we think God will be angry with us. Maybe it is too painful to rehash your regrets in His presence. But, isn’t it time? I like these words from my BFF, Christie Lee Rayburn, “The road to forgiveness is simple–it is our sin that is complex. We spend our lives reversing the two.”

Don’t let the possible “simplicity” of God’s cleansing keep you from it. Regret saps you of freedom and years of life. It is time to sit at the throne of grace and let our compassionate Savior, Jesus, cover you with His mercy.

It is time to deal with it

Go find a quiet place in your home. Get on your knees (you don’t have to, but I find it helps me to humble my heart - as if kneeling at the throne), and confess what needs to be confessed.  Accept God’s forgiveness and forgive yourself. Ask Him to cover you with His goodness.

Aaaahhhh…..that feels so good.

Now embrace it. God promises every one of us, when we confess our sins, He will always be faithful to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9). That means You—Are–Clean.

Soak in those words.

You-not the other guy you think is more deserving.

Are-God’s Word doesn’t say He might cleanse you of all unrighteousness. It says He will.

Clean-that means you don’t pick the garbage back up tomorrow after you have trashed it today. Leave your garbage at the throne.

It’s a new day! Don’t look back, my friend. “Will I ever get past my regret?”–It is up to you now. You have the opportunity to walk in newness of life today.

Embrace it!

Consider this tough question: Once we are free from the remorse and condemnation of our actions, can we ever get past the pain of loss?

This is part 1 of a 3 part series on Regret. Next, we’ll look at Regret due to loss and disappointment. We’ll talk about whether regret is ever good.




BONNIE CHRISTENSEN
Woman Gone Wise

WE

I recently became aware of a deficiency I have. I can’t interact with other women without feeling lousy about myself, without completely convincing myself that they hate me, or think I’m annoying, or…well, that they would just rather be somewhere else than talking to me. 

“She’s independent and beautiful, wish I could be like her…”

In 2004 I started trying to lead this ‘different’, Christian, life which means giving up my old ways and surrounding myself with new…right? I turned away from wanting the attention of men and have realized that I put so much energy into ‘appropriate’ boundaries with men that I never started figuring out how to interact with other women. Don’t get me wrong, I have a few very close friends but that is due, mostly, to their efforts and was eventually reciprocated by me. My friendships are chalk full of me admitting my faults before they are found out…that way it’s not to disappointing when I fall short.

Thinking about being the ‘old’ me makes me sick, and being here in the new me…can be lonely. When I am around other women, I don’t look for their faults or see what they are wearing, or how big or small they are or if their hair is perfect. My common sense tells me that most women are like that…but the insecure, irrational side of me says that women have super powers and can see strait into my soul. I assume they will not like what they see. My first thought is ‘Why would someone like her, ever want to be friends with someone like me”

“…Rumor is she’s some kind of dream, nobody knows she cry’s herself to sleep.”

Most of my insecurities come from where other women are in their lives. The perception that they are more spiritual, they have a higher ‘status’, more money, better education, more manners…and a million other ‘more’s’ What I fail to see is that, we are all women and, when you strip everything away we all long for a connection for acceptance for unconditional love.

“We are not that different from each other.”

Last summer I spent some time in a bible study with a group of women. I had the privilege of leading one of the sessions. I had them do an ice breaker where there was a line drawn in the middle of the room and they were to go to one side or the other depending on the options. We started out with shallow things like long hair/short hair and went to deeper more emotional things…ending with I have insecurities/I am completely secure in who I am. Every single women was on the ‘I have insecurities’ side. It was the one thing we all had in common. Is sharing your life with other women something you struggle with? 

“We just want somebody to discover, who we really are when we drop our guard.”

Everything that God tells me is that He made me and I am good. That He gave me everything I need to make it in this world AND have a relationship with Him. He tells me that I am…just the way He wanted me. So I go, with both feet in, and the mantra “Just be yourself”

“…love has got to start with you and me”

This blog post is my first step at addressing and dealing with these insecurities. Until now they have been my secret. Every interaction I’ve had in the last couple of weeks has made me more and more aware of this problem. That means, it’s time to deal with it head on. What I am hoping for is, that maybe someone else needs to go on this journey too? That maybe I’m not alone in feeling this way? 

“…We gotta come together, you know you never ever have to be alone. You have a hand to hold..”

listen to song at Http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gpT9pSmimE

LET FREEDOM RING

My Perspective Is Getting Clearer As My Eyes Get Blurrier

Why is it that I can’t get through singing America the Beautiful without tears in my eyes anymore? Can’t say the Pledge of Allegiance without my right hand over my heart and eyes shining?  Can’t talk about the military without getting passionate and defensive? The words haven’t changed – it’s still the same song I sang growing up. And, it’s not like people are spying on who pledges with their hands over their hearts & who doesn’t or people are taping conversations to listen to how respectfully you talk about our soldiers …. BUT, let me tell you, my perspective has definitely changed!

I grew up in a very spoiled time of history – and a very “war-innocent” period. None of our family served in Vietnam and I wasn’t quite old enough for that to impact me. World wars were part of my history curriculum and current war-torn countries were all on the other side of the world. I lived in the peaceful United States of America … where it felt like nothing bad ever happened.

Then came the 1990’s and I became a mother for the first time and our country went to war in the Gulf. I was glued to the TV set trying to keep up on everything we were doing. I was mesmerized as I prayed for our military and for their families in every branch. Selfishly, I was incredibly thankful that my boys weren’t old enough to be overseas protecting us.

Twenty years have come and gone since my first experience with our country at war. And I know one thing for sure, the older I get, the more I appreciate being an American. The prouder I become of what it means to fly the red, white, and blue! And the more overwhelmed I am to experience a freedom that so many have given their lives for. These are no longer words – but deep, deep truths that are a part of who I am.

I don’t think you can possibly understand a deeper meaning of freedom until you’ve lived long enough to have it threatened. As a young person, you don’t realize freedom comes with an incredibly high price tag! Unbelievably high! 

• Freedom comes with boundaries that must be maintained – it’s not a whimsical open space. Lines must be drawn and protected.

• Freedom provides a sense of peace and well-being versus the state of oppression. The loss of expression robs us of more than we realize.

• Freedom instills and builds a confidence as opposed to life void of destiny or purpose, which in turns leads to a hopeless future. People die without hope.

• Freedom is dignity with a head held high versus cowering and existing in shame. It’s knowing who you are and why you are here.

• Freedom is responsibility taken seriously: responsibility to a family, to a community, to a country. It fully recognizes that one doesn’t live in autonomy.

• Freedom is a costly gift fought for – not an inherent right. May those who have freedom treat it as such!

I am thankful for a clearer perspective and I hope my eyes tear up for the rest of my life every time we sing about our freedom. And when it comes to freedom, I hope your eyes get blurrier the older you get as well.


Let's take all take a moment to share our thoughts on freedom and perspective - what are yours?

CHRISTIE LEE RAYBURN

ChristieLeeRayburn.com

  

THE BIG PICTURE: Alcohol, Role Models, and Me

Twelve years old and running free; I was a preteen, just beginning to formulate my thoughts about life, the world and who I would become.  I spent most of my free time hanging out with friends, and one friend in particular whose mom spent a lot of time hanging out with us.  She was cool, available to listen, and she introduced me to Miller beer.  As I look at the bigger picture in hindsight, she was depressed, an alcoholic, and her daughters were following along in her footsteps.

A larger percentage of American parents are providing their teens with alcohol.  “Half of Australian adults and 63 per cent of Australians on a higher income believe 15 to 17-year-olds should be allowed to consume alcohol under parental supervision at home, according to the latest MBF Healthwatch survey.”  Science Daily* (links provided at bottom of post)

 Studies show teens who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to develop alcoholism than those who begin drinking at 21.Alcoholism is the leading cause of death in teens.  It contributes to drunk driving, date rape and violence. Teens today are reporting they are drinking to relieve stress.*  (Does that sound familiar?)

Educators, healthcare professionals and parents are always discussing what we can do to address this crisis of youth at risk.  But there’s one part of the discussion that isn’t easy to bring to the table.

Part of the big picture: our subtle messages

Recently I volunteered with a group of moms to coordinate a lunch for our high school students on campus.  A suggestion was made to make virgin alcoholic drinks for the students.  The moms were in agreement over the idea.  But I was the stick in the mud.  I was concerned with the big picture.  What message are we sending kids if we cannot even have a school lunch without considering an alcoholic drink-virgin or not?  “Here’s your cocktail, Jake.  I know it’s just a virgin drink, but when you are older you will be able to have real fun and drink like a real man.  By the way, don’t drink at Prom”.

There is a growing trend in our culture-it is also growing in the body of Christ-to have an alcoholic beverage with every social event, every restaurant visit, every game on television, every Friday night, every barbecue, and even while visiting our friends during kid’s playgroup.  Now before you get defensive, I am not about to condemn you.  I am not going to tell you alcohol is evil.  I don’t think it is.  But I am asking you to weigh the decision of the measure of alcohol you welcome.  Consider its power and message in your life.

The bigger picture:  You are being watched

You may have great discussions with your kids about drinking responsibly.  But if you are one of the many adults who say “Hoot! Hoot! It’s margarita time”, you are sending a message to your kids.  Your actions speak louder than your words.  Every time you are with your peers are you “Hoot! Hooting!” about the drinks that will be with you?  Every time you have a social event or go out for a fantastic dinner-must the alcohol be front and center?

Our behavior is a powerful teacher.  It speaks messages without words.

In essence our behavior is saying, “If you want to have a good time, good friends, and good dinner, alcohol must be part of it”.  And our kids-who can’t wait to be adults-learn they really can’t have a good time without it.  It doesn’t matter what you say about it, your actions are speaking volumes.

You may be saying, “Oh brother, Bonnie” or something worse by now.  But consider it.  Do you or do you not believe in the unspoken messages of powerful role models?

Kids sneak alcoholic drinks for many reasons.  Will you consider one of the reasons is the message we portray, “In order to have a good time, you need a drink”?  Why wouldn’t they want to be drinking as teens?  Our actions say its what people do when they get together with friends, and without it they are depriving themselves.

The bigger picture:  You have a weaker brother

We have a society filled with recovering alcoholics, addictive behaviors, families hanging by a thread due to alcoholism and broken hearts who have lost loved ones to drunk drivers.  These individuals exist in your family, your work place, your neighborhood, your church.  Do you know who they are?  You may know some by name, but you likely have no clue how many more wounded people are in your life.

We don’t know who might be one drink away from becoming an alcoholic.  We don’t know who has been devastated by alcohol.  But the Holy Spirit does. He knows every one of their names and He has the bigger picture in mind.  It’s why Paul says, “If I can thank God for my food and enjoy it, then why let someone spoil it just because he thinks I am wrong?  Well, I will tell you why.  It is because you must do everything for the glory of God.  Even your eating and drinking.  So don’t be a stumbling block to anyone, whether they are Jews or Gentiles or Christians.  That is the plan I follow too, not doing what I like or what is right for me, but what is right for them . so that they can be saved”. (I Corinthians 10:30-33)

Have a discussion with the One who knows the bigger picture

My decision to drink or not to drink should not influence your decision.  It is up to each one of us to sit quietly with Jesus and listen to His direction.  The problem is, I don’t think we do.  If each of us were listening to His direction, I hold the opinion that less of the body of Christ would be drinking as liberally as we do.

As you listen, He will tell some of you to go ahead and have a social drink.  He will tell some of you to use more discretion.  He will tell others to stop drinking all together.  As a follower of Jesus and not of the world, will you ask Jesus to clearly tell you what He wants you to do?

Is there a weaker brother I need to consider?  God may not tell you the name, but He may whisper to you, “Yes”.

Am I being a stumbling block to anyone?  Ask God if your social drinking is causing anyone–of any age–to stumble.

Am I relying upon drinking instead of relying upon You?  Invite God to search your heart.  Do you rely on a drink to relax you, loosen you up socially, or to fit in, more than you rely upon Him?  Then it has become an idol.  (I gave up Coca-Cola when I realized I made it an idol.)

It is the season for proms and graduations.  Saturday I will serve my shift for Sober Grad Night until 1:30 a.m., another shift of parents will volunteer until 4:30 a.m.  I don’t know what my little picture job is for the night, but my big picture job is to do my part to protect and raise a culture of mentally, socially, spiritually, physically healthy kids.

Sometimes the big picture compels me to give up my sleep (1:30 isn’t easy these days).   The big picture compels me to give up “what I like and what is right for me”.  It’s part of being a disciple and that big picture job is to be salt in this culture.

P.S. If you want to look deeper, here are some sites and verses to check out:

Many parents encourage underage drinking, Australian study finds This article talks about teen alcohol consumption and its effects on brain development

Teenage Drinking Statistics and Information.  This site includes practical ways for parents to communicate with their children regarding alcohol.

Ephesians 5:15-21 – Passage Lookup – New International Version – BibleGateway.com.

1 Peter 2:16-17 – Passage Lookup – New International Version – BibleGateway.com.Sometimes we misuse our “freedom” in Christ.  We need to check our hearts with this one.  See also 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 – Passage Lookup – New International Version – BibleGateway.com.

BONNIE CHRISTENSEN

WomanGoneWise.com

CONFESSION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL

Yes, it is ... and here was a page  out of my personal journal recently. Perhaps you might be able to identify ...

Almighty & All-Powerful “I AM”, 

I don’t need to be convinced of my ‘dirtiness’ or my ‘ugliness’ - my sinful heart is so real to me - and so I cry out to You ...

~ I confess becoming too casual with sin.

~ I confess my distraction of being pre-occupied with myself.

~ I confess that my ears have been more ‘in tune’ with noise than with Your Voice.

~ I confess my lack of self-control, my binging, and my selfishness.

~ I confess too much concern with trying to win favor from others.

~ I confess my pride that causes me to argue or critique rather than question and explore.

I could never stand before You in my “Christieness.” No one could. But I come to You in the robe of righteousness from the blood of Jesus.... that covering - I will base my whole life upon! That purity is what gives me peace.

Your full redemption settles every sin in my life - it secures my present & my future. I am eternally indebted!

Please know that I am hungry to be close to You -

                                                                   I am thirsty to do what is right.

Christie Lee

What difference does confession make in your life? Please tell me.

Christie Lee Rayburn

ChristieLeeRayburn.com

BEFRIENDING THE ENEMY

I am intrigued by the news of Timothy Treadwell, a man who befriended and communicated with bears.  He educated young classrooms how brown bears are fun to play with.  They are our friends.  The news would run videos of him living and lying among these wild animals.

But the story changed when he and his fiancé were dropped off by float plane to a remote area in Alaska.  When the pilot returned for the couple, only a violent scene was left.  Their video camera told the final story of the two being killed and eaten by grizzlies.  

Hideous.  What a vivid picture of our enemy, Satan.  The Scriptures teach us he comes as an Angel of Light.  He befriends us with pleasures that are contrary to God’s design for our lives.  He entices us to indulge in risky behavior.  We each know the compromises we have made. We may have said, “Oh, it’s harmless”.    But now relationships have been destroyed, or we’ve been simply lulled into the sleep of a mediocre life.  We look less and less like Jesus.  We’ve been deceived.  This Angel of Light is really a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

Have you befriended this wild animal?  Be on the alert! Resist his efforts to leave your life barren and spiritually dead.  

 James 4:^{7-10  “}So let God work His will in you. Yell a loud “no” to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet “yes” to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.”  The Message

Bonnie J. Christensen
womangonewise.com

Monster in the Mirror

Have you ever witnessed a mom screaming uncontrollably at her children and in turn wanted to give her a piece of your mind for treating them that way?  As I was waiting at a stoplight while driving to drop my son off at school, I looked in my rear view mirror to see a mom screaming uncontrollably at her children.  Her hands were flying in the air and you could plainly see the intense anger in her facial expressions.  I sat there thinking to myself “What a way to start your kids’ day? If you could only see yourself right now and how horrified your kids are. What a monster!” How could someone be so angry at a child that they deserve to be screamed at?   I could not get the sick feeling out of my stomach for most of the day.

About a week later, I witnessed the same thing.  The only difference this time was when I looked in the rear view mirror, I saw MYSELF.  It was me this time screaming at my kids.  I was horrified.  Who is this woman?  My kids don’t deserve this.  I immediately broke into tears, pulled my car over and asked for God’s forgiveness.  Once I calmed down enough, I asked for my kids’ forgiveness and explained how wrong my actions were.  I could have handled the situation better.  I was the monster in the mirror this time. 

I have since witnessed the same kind of events, only now I am quick not to judge.  I say a prayer for all involved and hope that they have a wake-up call like I did.

Laura Kearns