Monday, March 12, 2012

A WOMAN OF INFLUENCE



Do those who influence our lives deliberately seek out to do so? So often we hear celebrities declare, “I don’t want to be your role model”.
The truth is, young people are watching, learning, being influenced by those positioned around them. Gratefully, in the raw years of my youth, I was surrounded by people who were aware of the influence they made.
I was sixteen, a new believer, standing in the pews among my high school friends. Challenged to sit in the front rows of our small but vibrant church, we were eager to do so. Sunday night worship was often open for testimonies and hymn requests. Different generations shouted out the page numbers to “It is Well with my Soul” and “How Great Thou Art”. I don’t believe I will ever forget the sound of humble voices singing passionately the words of the hymns.
“How can I say thanks for the things You have done for me?
Things so undeserved, yet You came to give Your life for me.
The voices of a million angels, cannot express my gratitude.
All that I am, and ever hope to be I owe it all to Thee.
To God be the Glory, To God be the Glory, To God be the Glory
For the things He has done….” (My Tribute)
Yesterday, I stood amongst this congregation again. Many faces and families have changed with age over the two decades I have been away. We came together to celebrate the life of a woman who lived her life well with Jesus.  I don’t recall specific conversations I did or didn’t have with Sheila Perlman. But, my sixteen year-old self recalls her voice ringing out above the rest as she sang, “Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul”. My young believer’s heart quietly prayed, “Jesus, I want to be that passionate for You. Help my heart sing these words in the trials of my life.”
Jesus has answered my heart’s prayer. I give credit to this older generation who embraced my formative young heart. I watched them humbly serve, I took mental notes of their public testimony to Christ’s love, and I followed in their examples.
Even in death, Sheila Perlman is a woman of influence, while her life speaks to me about leaving a legacy. As I read her obituary, it records decades of service to the Lord. Ministering to generation after generation; a life committed to passing on her faith. It is a testament of a life well lived. She served Jesus in humble quiet ways, like giving up her weekly paycheck to pay for others to have Bibles. She served Him in leadership roles. She served Him with humor and faithful living. In her 90′s, she delivered meals to the “elderly” and folded church bulletins each week.
People shared about Sheila’s selfless life, her commitment to praying for generations of individuals, her deep love for Jesus and her fresh gratitude for salvation. As I listened again to the words of “My Tribute”, my 48-year-old self prayed, ”Lord, help me live with this same passion for You until my dieing day.”
I have a habit of writing my favorite quotes within the binding of my Bible. So, I was tickled to receive a handout with Sheila’s quotes from her own Bible. These quotes reflect the heart and drive of this godly woman.
  • What good am I if I can’t be a blessing to others?
  • God, fill me so completely with your Holy Spirit that even my reactions and sudden impulses are godly. I need this.
  • If you feed your faith your doubts will starve to death.
  • Our work is to cast care-God’s work is to take care (I Peter 5:7)
  • The little that we have, God can use.
  • I don’t fear what God brings into my life so much as I fear my response to it. Will I be faithful in tough situations?
  • Those who bless God in their trials will be blessed by God through their trials.
  • How will the knowledge of God affect my life this week?
Wow! The private words from a woman of influence. She lived what she believed.
Jesus, thank you from the depth of my heart, for spiritually parenting me with faithful saints. People who had no idea about the impact they made to a hungry heart and watching eyes.  Thank you for the life of Sheila Perlman. Oh, more of You, Lord Jesus, and less of me…so my life would cause others to thirst for You.

BONNIE CHRISTENSEN

Monday, March 5, 2012

I PLAN TO IGNORE YOU



We had a snotty kid last night. He didn’t get his way and tried to make enemies out of all of us. The more we engaged him, the sharper his tongue became.
So, we disengage.
We call it “Planned Ignoring”: I plan to ignore you when you are unreasonable.
I know, this goes against our grain when a kid is disrespectful. We feel the need to stop them in their tracks. But, have you been in a  power play with a teen (or a toddler) who wants to be in control of everything? It is a lose-lose situation.
The mouthy attitude is an attempt to derail us; if we engage the word choices we are distracted from the initial issue at hand. So we plan to ignore the words –for now.
“Answer not a fool according to his folly,lest you be like him yourself,” Proverbs 26:4. I’m not saying my kid is a fool, but he definitely has his foolish moments—as do I.
We wanted to get away from him. But, the truth is, he needed to get away from the rest of us. So, he was sent to his room.
Calmly I said, “Go to your room now”.
Off he went while the rest of the family was able to continue on with dinner and homework and conversation.
The son who was silenced took out his phone weapon and began texting his attitude. The words were unkind for a usually kind boy. The words hurt.
But, we planned to ignore, “Answer not a fool according to his folly”. We had to give each other pep talks, “Don’t engage, wait until tomorrow”.
Engaging in the folly increases the fight and the need for both to win.
Waiting is difficult. We second guess ourselves in the recesses of our mind. But tomorrow, he will wake up calm. Tomorrow he will no longer be in fight-mode.
Early in the morning, I walked into his room and sat beside him in bed as I usually do. I played with his hair and spoke in a loving voice, “Are you up, son?” I rubbed his back. Love is unconditional.
When a child hurts a parent, a parent must love unconditionally. Besides, kindness is received unexpectedly when we know we deserve the opposite. Kindness heaps hot coals on our heads.
“I am taking your phone away for a few days”.
“Why?”
“You were disrespectful to your parents last night. You used your phone to send abusive messages.”
“I did?”
“You know what you did. You may have thought you could get away with talking like that last night, but you did not. There are consequences. You will receive your phone in a few days.”
Peacefully, I walked out of the room.
It was the right moment to address his folly, “lest he becomes wise in his own eyes” (Proverbs 26:5).
Planned ignoring is difficult. Finding the right consequences to fit the crime is not always easy. But probably the hardest thing for me as a parent, is not reacting in anger or hurt feelings in the heat of the moment.
Someone has to remain in control of the situation, and it is good to have a plan—a team-parent plan—to remain calm, steady and focused.
I spent  the next 24 hours in prayer. I’m praying for wisdom in our interactions, praying our boy will have a repentant heart so he can grow forward.
I’m praying for the prime moments to instruct a child about responding with respect next time he is in the heat of the moment.
Are you interested in knowing more about “Planned Ignoring” or would you benefit from support in your parenting choices? These resources may help you:
“The Secrets to Modern Day Parenting” linking modern solutions to everyday problems. Series information:http://www.womangonewise.com/2012/01/12/bible-and-family-life-speaker/
Exceptional Families Coaching: Practical and personal coaching to support you and give you tools for a flourishing family life: www.exceptionalfamiliescoaching.com


BONNIE CHRISTENSEN