Christie Lee's Articles










RESPONSIBILITY ANYONE?
“It takes two people to create a pattern”


When it comes to America, it is very easy for Americans to blame our President, our House, our Senate, or other government leaders when things go wrong with the nation. When it comes to our legal system, we find it easy to blame our courts, our prisons, our lawyers, or our police. When it comes to our relationships, it’s even easier to blame our parents, our past hurts, or our bad experiences. And when it comes to marriage, it’s very easy to blame our spouse.

Today that is what I seem to hear everywhere around me -- blame! Everything in everyone's life seems to always be someone else’s fault.

So, here’s the million dollar relationship question, “When will you ever be the one who is to blame?” 

Will anything ever be your fault?

Will you ever take full responsibility for your part of the equation, your part of the problem? Or will you spend the rest of your life treating others the way you do and blaming it on someone else?

I believe taking full responsibility for our behavior and our choices is part of growing up. Any immature or hurting person can blame people and blame their past. Some can even blame the weather. Only a healthy and mature person can look in the mirror and ….
(1) Ask yourself what part of this issue is my fault?
(2) Admit to the other person(s) involved my part and how it was wrong.
(3) Ask for forgiveness & express your desire not to repeat your behavior in the future.

I am not talking about taking false blame or copping to “of course it’s my fault, everything is my fault.” How mature is that? Nobody can handle being around someone who apologizes for everything to the point that their entire existence is a walking apology.

Instead I am challenging you to look in the mirror and honestly ask yourself, “What part do I play in this given situation?”

I remember an Oprah episode that had Harville Hendrix on it as her guest. He said something that I have never forgotten and have often repeated -- “It takes two people to create a pattern.” He went on to give examples pointing out that accepting behavior, choosing to be silent and say nothing, or unspoken expectations are all critical components to a pattern. I repeat, “It always takes two people to create a pattern.” Your question my always be: “What part am I playing in this pattern?” We need solutions not excuses.
When it comes to my own problems, I could blame the way I didn’t trust people on my past. Or I could blame the way I wouldn’t allow myself to be vulnerable on a particular person. Or I could blame my disillusionment with commitment on the rampant divorce in my family.

I could go on and on with The Blame Game – but the truth is – I have a choice and I always had a choice. I can remain immature in my approach to life and relationships or I can grow up and choose the kind of person I want to be. Who I am today is nobody's fault by mine.

So I better take responsibility for who I am and how I behave.

Are you willing to look in the mirror? Are you taking responsibility for yourself? Is 2011 going to be year of growing up for you too?

don’t know about you, but I don’t ever want to stop growing up.

I’d love to hear how you take responsibility for yourself in life. Or I’d love to hear how you deal with someone close to you who blames everything on everybody else. Somebody who just doesn't get that “personal responsibility” starts within the person.



CHRISTIE LEE RAYBURN
ChristieLeeRayburn.com






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9/11
WHAT WERE YOU DOING?


My parents grew up in the generation that could tell you exactly what they were doing the day JFK was shot. My mom was working in Berkeley, California when she tried to use the phone and was told none of the employees could use the phones. How odd - within 30 minutes, talk was spreading like wildfire that the President had been shot! Within another hour everyone was sent home in shock learning their President had died. And I am part of the adult generation who can tell you exactly what they were doing the day two airplanes flew into the Twin Towers.


I was making the bed in our master bedroom and hadn’t had the TV on all morning when I got a call from my husband. His tone told me something horrific and huge had just happened as he said, “Christie, do you have the news on right now? Turn the TV on! You’re not going to believe it!” As I turned on the Today Show I remember seeing the footage of the first airplane flying into one of the buildings and thinking …. How can this be real? What on earth is going on? I remember calling him back and both of us reeling in shock and fighting the tears.


As the day unraveled, I learned of the third plane that crashed into the Pentagon ... And then the fourth plane that didn’t make it to Washington, DC because of some amazing heroic American citizens! It was terribly hard to make sense of all the emotions and conflicting thoughts. 

  “How could anybody penetrate our country’s intelligence and defense?”
  “Lord, please keep people alive in that rubble until help gets there.”
  “I want vengeance and I want it now.”
  “Where can I get an American flag for my car, my house, my yard?”
  “I need to call my family and tell them how much each one means to me.”
  “I feel utterly vulnerable.”
  “I can’t stop hurting for all the breaking hearts that have no one coming home tonight.”
  “What senseless tragedy!”

Personally, I don’t believe that life is fair or always makes sense. But I do believe that each of us can learn and can grow from every experience in our lifetime. So, instead of remembering what each of us was doing the moment 9/11 became historical, I want to remember what I’ve learned from that day and how I can be a better woman because of living through it.  






~ I have learned that security doesn’t come from believing your borders are impregnable. True security is found within me. His name is Jesus. 



~ I have been challenged to be willing to stand against anyone or anything that wants to hijack my life … even if it means dying in the process.



~ And I have been reminded that each day is not a right but a gift – and my greatest gifts are the ones that I come home to every night!



What about you? What were you doing on 9/11? But even more importantly, what have you learned from 9/11?

CHRISTIE LEE RAYBURN
ChristieLeeRayburn.com



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I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE 

WITH 
THE ROOF OFF AND THE WALLS DOWN!
The more life I experience, the clearer it becomes to me the way I want to live the latter half of my life. I want to live my life with “”the roof off and the walls down”. (Brokeness, Nancy Leigh DeMoss)
Well, good for you, Christie -- but what on earth does that mean?


LIVING WITH THE “ROOF OFF” refers to the intimate relationship, free of any barriers, that I long for with my God. A relationship that grows out of a deep place wherein I take full responsibility for all of my ongoing sin, hiding nothing. I don’t try to take shortcuts when it comes to confession. I don’t minimize or justify my choice to sin. I recognize that it’s my transgression - my iniquity. And my personal rebellion is against the only Holy, Majestic God.
It’s being in a place where I choose to take the “roof off” of my heart. I know that my Lord sees into the deepest part of me, so I don’t play games. I don’t even wait for God to start to tear part of the roof off. No! I voluntarily do it so that there is nothing standing between us - I am laid bare before Him. Therefore, I invite conviction so that I can respond to it quickly. I let Him know, moment by moment, how much I need Him.
I know what it is to experience the peace and satisfaction that comes from nothing being between the Almighty and my soul. I know what it feels like to have the freedom of pure access to my Father. So, why don’t I live this way every second of every day .... but I long for this heart to keep the “roof off” far more than it ever has before.


LIVING WITH THE “WALLS DOWN” paints a picture of the way I choose to relate to others. I want to be open and transparent with everyone - no walls between us.  The more I live with the “roof off”, the more I am able to live with my “walls down”. Once I have laid myself bare before God, I realize I have nothing left to lose - I have already died to myself. I don’t need pretense and I definitely don’t need pride. (Granted this is a daily struggle!) The truth is that I know the long list of things that I need to deal with personally ... and that should encourage me as I relate to others ... we all have things to deal with - our things just have different labels.
I have so much to learn from others that my defenses should take a back seat. When my walls are down, I want to possess open ears - always willing to hear others thoughts, values, and perspectives. I want to be able to admit when I am wrong, as well as receive correction or confrontation from others. I don’t want to try to preserve some kind of faultless image. I know that I mess up, and I want to grow from it.
I want to freely and lavishly love people. I desire to focus my care on others. I want to come alongside and cheer each one on, especially when life gets rough. I love to affirm faith, courage, and growth each time I see it in another’s life. I don’t want to hold back because I believe each one of us needs a waterfall of love, and I have the source of Abundant Living Water, Jesus Christ.



SO HOW DO YOU WANT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE? 
What part of taking the roof off your heart is appealing? What part frightens you? What do you need to learn about God in order to trust Him more?
Would you like to live with your walls down when it comes to people? Does that even seem like a rewarding way to live? What would be the first wall that you would need to take down?  
START WITH A BABY STEP - you choose one
  • Share with me one thing that is appealing about taking the roof off or the walls down.
  • Share with me one thing that is difficult to consider about taking the roof off or the walls down.
  • Have a conversation about this kind of living - what do you agree with & what do you disagree with?
CHRISTIE LEE RAYBURN






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LET FREEDOM RING
My Perspective Is Getting Clearer As My Eyes Get Blurrier




Why is it that I can’t get through singing America the Beautiful without tears in my eyes anymore? Can’t say the Pledge of Allegiance without my right hand over my heart and eyes shining?  Can’t talk about the military without getting passionate and defensive? The words haven’t changed – it’s still the same song I sang growing up. And, it’s not like people are spying on who pledges with their hands over their hearts & who doesn’t or people are taping conversations to listen to how respectfully you talk about our soldiers …. BUT, let me tell you, my perspective has definitely changed!


I grew up in a very spoiled time of history – and a very “war-innocent” period. None of our family served in Vietnam and I wasn’t quite old enough for that to impact me. World wars were part of my history curriculum and current war-torn countries were all on the other side of the world. I lived in the peaceful United States of America … where it felt like nothing bad ever happened.


Then came the 1990’s and I became a mother for the first time and our country went to war in the Gulf. I was glued to the TV set trying to keep up on everything we were doing. I was mesmerized as I prayed for our military and for their families in every branch. Selfishly, I was incredibly thankful that my boys weren’t old enough to be overseas protecting us.


Twenty years have come and gone since my first experience with our country at war. And I know one thing for sure, the older I get, the more I appreciate being an American. The prouder I become of what it means to fly the red, white, and blue! And the more overwhelmed I am to experience a freedom that so many have given their lives for. These are no longer words – but deep, deep truths that are a part of who I am.


I don’t think you can possibly understand a deeper meaning of freedom until you’ve lived long enough to have it threatened. As a young person, you don’t realize freedom comes with an incredibly high price tag! Unbelievably high! 
  • Freedom comes with boundaries that must be maintained – it’s not a whimsical open space. Lines must be drawn and protected.
  • Freedom provides a sense of peace and well-being versus the state of oppression. The loss of expression robs us of more than we realize.
  • Freedom instills and builds a confidence as opposed to life void of destiny or purpose, which in turns leads to a hopeless future. People die without hope.
  • Freedom is dignity with a head held high versus cowering and existing in shame. It’s knowing who you are and why you are here.
  • Freedom is responsibility taken seriously: responsibility to a family, to a community, to a country. It fully recognizes that one doesn’t live in autonomy.
  • Freedom is a costly gift fought for – not an inherent right. May those who have freedom treat it as such!
I am thankful for a clearer perspective and I hope my eyes tear up for the rest of my life every time we sing about our freedom. And when it comes to freedom, I hope your eyes get blurrier the older you get as well.

CHRISTIE LEE RAYBURN, MIRROR, MIRROR
ChristieLeeRayburn.com 






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Falsely Accusing God of being Your Dad




Many kids have had a great relationship with their dad, and many kids have had a painful relationship with their dad. But all kids take the template of that father/child relationship and, regardless of whether they are aware, apply it to their new relationship with the Heavenly Father. 
That primary, “growing up” relationship with our father creates a powerful imprinting upon our hearts, whether it was positive or negative. That imprint becomes our unspoken expectation that we subconsciously transfer to our faith-based relationship. If the transfer has been all positive, it paves the way for an open relationship with your Heavenly Father. You come to God with an almost pre-established trust to build upon. You feel safe with your new spiritual relationship and anticipate growing closer.
However, if your imprint has negative components, then you have transferred invisible stumbling blocks to your new relationship with God - probably without even realizing it. You have baggage before you even begin. You have silent judgments and preconceived notions of your Heavenly Father that aren’t based on anything experiential but are carried over from your past template with your earthly dad.
In essence, without being aware, we are falsely accusing God of being our dad. This isn’t fair to Him, and it isn’t fair to us either.
NOT FAIR TO GOD 
When your dad didn’t fulfill his responsibility as a father in a positive and loving way, why should Abba God be held responsible for the way he mistreated or neglected you? Why should the Almighty be pre-judged according to a man? Why should He be limited and put in a box?  The truth is He shouldn’t be liable for any of these things.
God desires to be known for Himself - not to be assumed. He tells us in Hosea to “press on to know Him” and in Jeremiah that “He delights in being known and understood.” He gave us His Word, the Bible, in order to know who He is and what His character is like. He wants an intimate relationship with each of us that is based on His Truth, not our past.

NOT FAIR TO US 
We behave according to Who we believe our God to be. If we have false beliefs then we are involved in false behaviors. We could be adding unnecessary rules to God’s love or trying to impress Him - both are exhausting and erroneous. We could be avoiding closeness to God based on misconceptions and end up missing out on an incredible depth of soul satisfaction. this is not only unfair, but also tragic.
EXAMPLES OF FALSE ACCUSATIONS
Have you been guilty of any of these?
Absent Father - Child obsesses with trying to understand dad’s reasons, blames himself, or struggles to earn dad’s acceptance. 
This person comes to God with a need to perform or to earn the love of God. This person might feel like he/she will never be good enough and could have a false sense of sacrifice.
Distant Father - Child feels unworthy of affection or love and seeks it in outside sources - unhealthy relationships, addictions, trouble. 
This person comes to God with a desire to keep his/her relationship at arm’s length. Not trusting that God can fill the empty places in his/her heart, this person continues to seek outside things to fill the inner voids.
Abusive Father - Child identifies himself as a victim and tends to grow up seeking relationships in which he/she can continue to be the victim, the rescuer, or the abuser. 
This person comes to God with a lack of trust, an immediate draw to steer away from God as a Father and see Him as a distant Creator. This child might feel like God could strike out or change His disposition at any moment.
Critical Father - Child yearns for closeness but usually gives up on it. Child believes that he/she can’t “win” and doesn’t feel liked.
This person comes to God seeing Him primarily as a Judge - a judge that usually declares ‘guilty’. This person feels defeated easily and doesn’t understand how to develop intimacy with God.
Pampering Father  - Child learns to control others through charm or temper. Child lacks self-control and a sense of personal competence.
This person comes to God resisting the idea of any discipline and feels entitled to instant closeness with God. This person struggles with growth towards maturity and can easily pick and choose Scripture to justify his/her choices.
THE TRUE GOD

Let’s learn from our past relationship with our dads, but let’s get to know God for who He claims to be. Let’s discover what brings Him joy and what He cannot tolerate. Let’s learn His names that reveal His attributes and priorities. Let’s develop a closeness that is based on how God deals with His children and the inheritance we have been given. This is a unique relationship with the only Heavenly Father.
Please don’t continue to falsely accuse God of being your dad. Take the time to search your heart. You cannot claim ignorance any longer!
Tell me how you see God as your Father. What have you carried over from your relationship with your dad unknowingly? I’d love to hear. You may be surprised that you are not alone in this!



CHRISTIE LEE RAYBURN, MIRROR MIRROR



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WHO IS “ME”?
JOURNEY OF SELF-UNDERSTANDING

Part Three: YOUR FUTURE



“I am not a has-been. I am a will be.” (Lauren Bacall) 

 And so are you! You are a ‘will be’. But the question before you, at this part of your journey to truly understand yourself, is - Who will you be? Who do you want to be? 

Bad News - If you have never taken the time to determine a picture of how you want to be treated within relationships or set goals for what you want to do with your dreams or chosen the main character qualities you desire to be known for, then - I am sorry - the odds are you will never achieve those things. You will join the masses who allow life to shape them. And you will look back with regret wondering why life has felt less than it should. 

Good News - You can start at this very moment to change the future. According to an African proverb, ‘tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.” So are you ready? Excited? Are you willing to prepare for who you want to be in the next chapter of your life? Who you want to be in five years? In ten years? Let’s get started.

This will be the third of a three-part series that looks at your past, then your present, and finally your future in order to discover who “me” really is!

Journey of YOUR FUTURE

Work through the following questions at your own pace:

  •   Choose the top five words I would like to have engraved on my tombstone describing me.
  •  Make a Bucket List of 25 things I want to do before I die. Then, prioritize them and start with #1.
  •   What kind of wife do I want to be? What would I like my husband to be most thankful for about me? If he was in a circle with his friends, what would I love to hear him bragging about me?
  •  What kind of mother do I want to be? If my children were quizzed about my temperament, my values, the tone I set in our home, how I took care of myself, etc. - what would each of them say? Does it match who I want to be?
  •  What dreams do I have for the future? 
  •  How do I wish I was treated by other people? What needs to change in order for that to happen?
  •  In what areas of my life  do I wish I was braver?
  •  What would I like to be less defensive about?
  •  What would freedom look like for me? Am I free yet? What is holding me back?
  •  What risks have I not been willing to take so far? Do I want to take them in the future?
  •  How do I want to handle stress in my tomorrows?
  •  What would I like to be less consumed with? Why?
  •  Who do I desire to influence? How?
  •  Name two outrageous jobs I would love to experience.
  •  What would my job description look like if I needed to be able to say that in my lifetime I had accomplished everything I wanted?
  •  Where have I yet to explore?
  •  What are my critical 6 character traits that I would like others to see in my life?
  •  What situations would I like to be more confident in?
  •  What is one are of my life that I would love to be able to say, “I am no longer ___________!”


Your story is unfolding each and every day ... and you are in charge of who you want to be in your next chapter because you start preparing for the future by what you choose to do today.


One of the challenging things I am doing is looking into the mirror about my future - I’ve written a Bucket List and get a huge exhilaration when I get to cross something off, I can tell you that I want “Faithful, Passionate, & Godly Wife and Mother” on my grave, it didn’t take long for me to know that I want to be less consumed with me, I would love the courage to smuggle Bibles into a hostile country, and I dream of being the most influential grandma that ever lived.

You are NOT a has-been. But, who will you be?

Let’s share our dreams and desires and goals with one another as women and cheer each other on! Please take a moment to share who you will be ...

Christie Lee Rayburn, Mirror Mirror

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WHO IS "ME"?
The Journey of Self-Understanding
Part Two - Your Present










Having an understanding of one’s self is vitally important in life. Before you can have healthy relationships, communicate successfully, or lead respectfully – you need to get a handle on who you really are. You need to be able to recognize how you will react to disappointment, what triggers your stress and why, and what your defense mechanisms are and where they originate from….just to name a few.

There is a big difference between saying things like, “I’m Christie,” or “I’m a mother,” or “I’m a doctor” and saying, “I am a woman who believes every person has infinite value and should be treated likewise; I naturally lean towards independence but believe deeply in community; I know that I am no better than any other; I am passionate about life and I want to maximize my contributions.”

Someone once said, “The concept you accept as true is the concept that controls you.” Who do know yourself to be? This will be the second of a three-part series that looks at your past, then your present, and finally your future in order to discover who “me” really is!

Journey of Your Present 
Work through these at your own pace:

  •  What do I like about my life? What do I like about my primary relationships?
  •  What don’t I like about my life? What don’t I like about my primary relationships? And why?
  •  What 10 words would I use to describe myself as a woman? Do I like those descriptive words?
  •  What are my 5 strongest qualities as a wife? As a mom? As a friend?
  •  What are my 4 greatest weaknesses? Am I doing anything about each one? If so, what am I doing?
  •  What kind of a worker am I? Describe.
  •  How well do I relax and what do I do just for me?
  •  What are my simple pleasures in life?
  •  What 6 things bring me greatest joy and why?
  •  Who is within  my supportive network? How do they encourage me?
  •  How do I help others? What causes/injustices are important to me and why?
  •  What dream am I fulfilling?
  •  What are my 2 greatest fears and why?
  •  What do I complain about?
  •  What are my core values in life? (List 6-12)
  •  What still hurts my feelings and why?
  •  What are my defense mechanisms? What pushes my buttons the quickest and why?
  •  What or who do I defend in life?
  •  Do I have personal boundaries? What are they?
  •  What is my purpose/my destiny?
  •  What am I open-minded about? What am I close-minded to? And why?
  •  What do I hate?
  •  What drives me? And why?



Your story is unfolding each and every day. 

Do you like it? Is this the story you always dreamed of - is it even close? Do you like who you are when you’re alone? Do you like who you are to those around you? Are your relationships satisfying? 

You cannot control circumstances or be responsible for other people’s choices, but you have complete control over who you choose to be and how you choose to live today. 

Live out your God-implanted dreams. Become who you want to be. Choose what you want your next chapter to look like and keep growing in your understanding of yourself.

One of the healthiest things I am presently doing is taking the time to ask myself the hard questions: Am I living my priorities from day to day or do they just sound noble in a conversation? Why did that bother me or hurt me and do I need to say something? Why did I react that way and do I wish I would have handled it differently? Am I who I want to be?

My question for you is this – do you understand your present and how it is impacting you?  

I’d love to hear what you are discovering about yourself - please share with me.

Christie Lee Rayburn, MIrror Mirror



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WHO IS "ME"?
The Journey of Self-Understanding
Part One - Your Past











Having an understanding of one’s self is vitally important in life. Before you can have healthy relationships, communicate successfully, or lead respectfully – you need to get a handle on who you really are. You need to be able to recognize how you will react to disappointment, what triggers your stress and why, and what your defense mechanisms are and where they originate from….just to name a few.
There is a big difference between saying things like, “I’m Christie,” or “I’m a mother,” or “I’m a doctor” and saying, “I am a woman who believes every person has infinite value and should be treated likewise; I naturally lean towards independence but believe deeply in community; I know that I am no better than any other; I am passionate about life and I want to maximize my contributions.”
Someone once said, “The concept you accept as true is the concept that controls you.” Who do know yourself to be? This will be the first of a three-part series that looks at your past, then your present, and finally your future in order to discover who “me” is!
Journey to Your Past  
 Work through these at your own pace
  • Where was I in my family’s birth order? (firstborn, middle , baby) And how did I feel about that?
  • Name something I am proud of from my elementary years. Name something I am proud of from my teen years.
  • State 3 childhood dreams. Do I still have any of these in some form?
  • What was I afraid of growing up? Am I still?
  • Who or what made me feel safe and loved as a kid? As a teen?
  • Who did I share my secrets, dreams, or hurts with as I was growing up?
  • What are 3 words I would use to describe myself as a child? As a teen?
  • Using my immediate family, how am I similar to each one and how am I different from each one?
  • Name 5 things within my family structure that impacted me the most growing up. How did they impact me then? How do they impact me now?
  • Name 5 things outside of my family structure that impacted me the most growing up. How did they impact me then? How do they impact me now?
  • What are 3-5 things I learned from my parents about how to love others? How to treat my spouse? How to raise my children?
  • Is there someone from my past that I haven’t forgiven? Why am I still angry? Why does it still hurt?
  • What did I learn from my dating years? What view of the opposite sex did I come away with from my teen years?
  • What are 2-4 inner vows I made to myself growing up? (“I will …”, “I’ll never …”, I am going to make sure …”)
Understanding the past, your history, is to appreciate how your story began and gain insight to why your story is unfolding like it is at this point. You did not choose where you were born or who you were born to or how others treated you. You cannot control circumstances or be responsible for other people’s choices, but you have complete control over who you choose to be and how you choose to live today. You are influenced by your history but you are not defined by it.
Write your story. Live out your dreams. Become who you want to be. Choose what you want your next chapter to look like and keep growing in your understanding of yourself.
One of the healthiest things I ever did was to process my past, forgive others that I had blamed for far too much, forgive those who made painful choices that I paid for, and choose to learn about myself through it. 
My question for you is this – do you understand your past and how it has impacted you?  
I’d love to hear what you discover about yourself - please share it with me.

Christie Lee Rayburn, Mirror Mirror

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RX: PEOPLE PLEASING 
A Disease Worth Getting Over 




Can you say no without feeling guilty or "bad"? Do you cringe at the first sign of friction? Do you find it extremely hard to stick up for yourself? Are you willing to fail or forfeit in the name of pleasing another? If these answers hit too close to home, then you need to know that the “disease to please” isn’t really about pleasing others, but fending off the fear of rejection. As a people pleaser, you pay too high of a price – a price that isn’t worth it.

Diagnosis of a People-Pleaser
People-pleasing is an extremely unhealthy dependency on approval from others. Anyone suffering from this believes that their worth is based on how others view them to the detriment of ignoring their own needs. People-pleasing can occur at any age but is found more commonly in women.

Causes of People-Pleasing
Child of Alcoholism/Addiction
Child of Abuse
Insecurity
Middle Child
Overly rigid upbringing
Inconsistent/unpredictable family life
Immaturity

Symptoms of a People-Pleaser
Hurt by other’s criticism
Fear of rejection
Compare myself with others
Work hard at being “good”
Make decisions based on appeasing another person
Overly apologize
Try to impress people I see as important
Assume you know what others are thinking about you
Easy to lie, exaggerate, or leave information out if it makes you look better
Rehearse what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it before going into situations
Find yourself stuck when you fear failing at something
Envy others’ success
Afraid others might know how much I need their approval
Your best isn’t good enough
You downplay or ignore your talents

Outcome of People-Pleasing
People-pleasing will lead to a life void of success, love, and purpose.


Treatment for People-Pleasing
1.    Discover what you are really afraid of and ask yourself if pleasing people is going to protect you from that.
2.    Determine to make the right decisions – decisions that are not based on the fear of other people’s reaction.
3.    Don’t set aside your own needs. Learn who you are and how to express what you need from your relationships.
4.    Practice saying “no” and when someone persists, simply ask “Why can’t you respect my ‘no’?” Don’t cave in.
5.    Cultivate your drive & passion to express yourself. Take a chance, explore,& allow yourself to make mistakes.
6.    Give your life direction by establishing priorities. Focus on efforts and activities that have meaning to you.
7.    Choose to love more rather than win love. Find ways to share your love for people and for this world.

“I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can 
give you the formula for failure, which is try to please everybody.” 
Herbert Bayard Swope

Christie Lee Rayburn, Mirror Mirror

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