Monday, October 10, 2011


some kids are afraid of the dark.  i am too.  not so much the dark but things in the dark.  i have a sadly morbid mind and retain all those awful news stories about murder and fire and death and in the dark...those thoughts are really loud.  when i was little, i was afraid that a panda bear was under my bed (think miniature kung fu panda with his scary destructo face on) and if i kept my leg too close to the wall, he would take a butcher knife and stab me with it.  seriously.  that is what i was scared of.

later in my youth, i walked in on the scene in Pee Wee's Bigtop Adventure where the truck driver's eyes get big and shoot out of her face and it scared me so bad, i wouldn't come out from under the end table i had dove under.  that wooden leg and my screaming like a banchee were my only safe holds!

in sixth grade, i would stay awake in my bed, terrified as i listened to unsolved mysteries and rescue 911 (dating myself via tv shows) while my parents watched, unaware.  stories of all sorts of awful things streamed into my brain and never really left.  even now, as an adult, i think about the tragic/horrific events i heard as i laid there.  no joke, i have to force my eyes closed and beg Jesus to fill my mind with sweet thoughts lest the fear overtakes me.

i can't watch commercials for horror movies.  i turn on all the lights in the house at night.  i have escape routes in place (in my mind of course) for any possible number of events.  i am a big ol scaredy cat.

the other night, my daughter asked me how i can be downstairs all alone in the dark.  we talked about being scared and i told her how i sing amazing grace to myself if i get scared.  her bottom lip started to quiver as she told me about her scary dreams at night and how singing didn't help her.  we prayed together and asked God to fill her sweet mind with things like lolipops & puppies, or rainbows & beautiful swans.  we cuddled and sang amazing grace together (while i laughed as she overexaggerated "wretch" each time) and then she slept sound through the night.

it didn't hit me until i ran and jumped into my own bed that know, to be sure that the person or ghost under my bed didn't try and grab me by my ankles.  i guess i should probably start practicing what i preach.  i fell asleep thanking Jesus for that scary, furry, high contrast bear that scared me so many years ago and the clarity to understand exactly how my daughter feels.  maybe i can move on to allowing butcher knives in the house again...

1 comment:

  1. I personally have never struggled as you have in the story, but it so very much reminds me of my daughter. Her fears were shockingly similar to that in the story. Thankfully, she is mostly past that, though she does still have at least 1 light on near her room. But she used to sleep with the light on in her room and door locked! Maybe she will be able to help someone else with this in the future as she can relate to this as well. Thanks for posting this experience! Really appreciate it!