Friday, July 29, 2011


Our anniversary was approaching and I was out shopping for what I thought would be Mark’s favorite gift -- something new for me to wear to bed. As I was having fun browsing through a lingerie store, many thoughts were going through my head ....
  • “Oh he would LOVE that outfit- so soft to the touch!”
  • “No, that wouldn’t do anything for him.... too boring”
  • “He’d think that was cheap looking.”
  • “Maybe ... I don’t know what he’d think of that... just not sure...”
  • "Wow - that's a definite - but, oh my, I don't think he'd want me to spend that much!"
  • “What is he in the mood for ... classically pretty or downright sexy or playfully cute?”
Then I answered my own question - “He’d always choose ‘sexy’ if he could only choose one kind of look! Or would he?" That thought led me to another question (this happens on a regular basis for me) ... another thought that crossed my mind for the very first time .... 
What if what I think - he thinks is “sexy” - isn’t ‘sexy’ to him at all? What if cute is his style of 'sexy'? What if what he thinks is sexy changes with his moods? What if I have been ‘missing it’ all these years?”
Now granted, my husband has made it quite clear that he has appreciated and enjoyed every piece of lingerie or ‘creative costuming’ I have ever worn to this date. But, the truth is that I have always assumed what he would think is ‘fabulous lingerie’ without really asking him.
For instance, I don’t know why ... but, from the time I got married, I imagined that the ‘sexiest’ thing I could wear is a bustier with a garter belt and thigh highs. Where did I get this notion from that I couldn’t get any sexier than that? I have no idea. Maybe it was my romantic side, thinking it reminded me of the 1800’s with corsets or maybe it was my own stereotyping, thinking that all men loved garter belts - who knows?
But the light bulb finally went on for me -- it’s high time I ask my husband what HE thinks sexy looks like when it comes to lingerie! So I did.
It was a lesson well-learned. My husband re-defined “sexy” for me and I was excited to go shopping again, along with my new insights.  

I no longer have to wonder or guess or imagine. I know my man’s favorite colors on me. I know his preference of material. I know his favorite look. I even know how often he likes me to wear something special.
I want to encourage you to let your husband give you HIS definition of sexy - after all, his clarification is what matters most. In order to help you out, I’ve included a little Lingerie Quiz for you to use. 


Your 3 favorite colors on me are: 
1ST____________    2ND ___________    3RD ___________
Which do you enjoy more? Circle top two.
Lace     Sheer     Mesh     Satin     Leather     
Which style is sexiest on me? Circle top two.
Teddy     Camisole & Boxers     Baby Doll     
Bustier & Garter Belt     Short Slip Gown     
Long Gown     Bra & Panty
Do you mostly enjoy me …..
Scantily clad so you see lots of skin
Quite covered so you can imagine more
Somewhere in between
Would you rather have lingerie….
With easy access to all parts of me
Lots of pieces for you to remove
If I was to wear a creative costume, which would you prefer?
French Maid   Pirate   Sports player   Other:___________
How many times per week would you enjoy seeing me in lingerie?
1     2     3     4     5     6     7  
When do you want to know that you will see me in lingerie?
Day Ahead so you can be imagining
That Morning so you can count the hours down
When you get home so you can hurry up dinner
Just before so it’s a great surprise
In my lingerie, am I sexier when I am shy or bold? ___________
What is one thing I do when I’m in lingerie that drives you wild? 

I would love to hear if any of you were surprised by how your husband answered or  if this quiz sparked any great conversations.

I want to recognize that there are many women reading this who feel a million miles away from 'sexy' or lingerie shopping. Instead, you might be feeling distant, confused, or frustrated about your present sex life. Let me encourage you to initiate a conversation with your husband about how you are feeling. Ask if he would be willing to brainstorm options for baby steps that the two of you could take to begin a new direction. Remember that I am here, as well, if you need any help with that conversation.
Here’s to always learning more about our men......


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