BEDWORK 8: HAPPY CAMPER DATE

Here is my radio interview with Susan Knight of Calgary’s up!97.7 FM this week:

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago in a post, Eric and I recently had our anniversary. And, as is our tradition, we went out for dinner and had our State of Our Union talk. (You can find a run-down on how that works here.) This year, I asked him to take me on a “creative” dates. Make no mistake, we have plenty of dates, but I felt that we had fallen into a rut about what we did each week. I knew that Eric would be up for the task because he used to make extra money to pay for college by planning dates for other dudes who couldn’t figure out how to impress a woman. He can definitely get the job done.

He didn’t waste a lot of time planning our first date. Last week, he surprised me by showing up in the middle of the work day with concert tickets in hand to the Pitbull/Kesha concert. I was ecstatic. Now, I can take or leave Kesha, but I fell in love with Pitbull last year when my dance group did a hip-hop routine to one of his songs. Please don’t judge me.

If I am being completely honest, this is not a concert that Eric would have chosen. In fact, when he let a friend know what he had done, his buddy responded by saying, “You know the best part of Pitbull announcing his name at the beginning of every song? You know to change the channel.” Eric would tend to agree with his friend. Well, he likes the new Pitbull/Christina Aguilera song, but I certainly wouldn’t call him a fan.

However, sometimes in marriage, you have to choose a “Happy Camper Date.” For a lot of couples, just trying to decide what to do on their date causes conflict because they have different interests and tastes. This leads to frustration…and then dates taper off altogether.

Here’s how the “happy camper” date works: one week you go on a date and your husband gets to choose what he activity he wants the two of you to do. (He gets to pick the movie, the restaurant, the hockey game, etc.) You go on this date with a great attitude – you are the “happy camper” this week. However, the following week, it is his turn to be the happy camper and do whatever you would like to do without complaining. This experience gives us greater insight into what makes our spouse tick and it builds our common history together which, in turn, leads to a stronger marriage.

Here is your Bedwork for this week: Plan two “Happy Camper” dates for the next two months (unless you are an overachiever and want it to be for the next two weeks). Draw straws to see who has to be the happy camper first if you have to, but make sure you each have a chance. If you like the concept, make sure to plan this type of date once a month.

Want more Bedwork? Check out my book The Essential Elements of Sex: 9 Secrets to a Lifetime of Intimacy.

 ERYN-FAYE FRANS, Canada's Passion Coach ®

ErynFaye.Com

BEST $40 I'VE SPENT IN A LONG TIME

Shortly after Dan and I were married, we bought our first house. We spent three years doing projects together. Re-landscaping the yard, building decks, and re-modeling the kitchen. We even pretended we were on the hit show ‘Trading spaces’ and tackled our downstairs rec-room. We loved spending weekends working together on a project, we would go get a coffee from our favorite barista, go to the hardware store to get supplies (always planned out ahead of time by my husband, the perfectionist), then go home and get started. Sometimes we would pick things that would only take one day like buying planters and plants, other times it would be an entire weekend project like painting and re-decorating a room, and other times it would take a couple of weekends to complete (that darn front deck took 6 months!). 

We always had so much fun doing those things together… just spending time together completing a shared vision. 

Then….we had kids. 

When the kids were toddlers, I would watch Dan go outside and do yard work, or paint a room, or whatever needed to be done. You see, you can’t just set a small child down to get things done. You know the first thing they will do is something dangerous like go toddling off toward the street, or dive head first into the paint can. So my job (only because Dan is WAY more handy than I) would be to follow the children around while Dan worked. 

Now that the kids are a little older, going to our favorite barista gets expensive (no, my kids don’t drink coffee! But they do love smoothies.) And the hardware store is a completely stressful venture when your children think everything is a jungle gym (I have boys). Not to mention actually getting to the project…let me narrate:

“Mom, he wont give me that toy! Mom, I’m Hungry; Mom, he’s doing <insert something he shouldn’t be doing>; Mom, watch what I can do; Mom, I hurt myself;

Mom, he hurt me; Mom, I’m still hungry; Mom, he said my hair is blue!...”

Yesterday God led me to do something I wouldn’t normally do to get work done… I got a babysitter.

Dan and I needed to do a clean-up project at our rental house (the first house we bought when we were married), Admittedly, I was thinking that this great idea was to spare me from having to hear all the noise that I typed above, but as we worked together it hit me how much I missed just working next to him. Having that shared vision and accomplishing it. Just me and him…getting things done in record time with out really having to orchestrate anything. 

It was better than date night! At least it triggered an emotion in me that was better than any dinner out could do.  

Thank you God for knowing who I am and what I need. Thank you for helping me find new ways to re-connect and keep things new. 


ADRIAN KASHPORENKO

CONVERSATION STARTERS WITH TEENS ABOUT DATING

I was talking to a 14 year old almost-man while volunteering at a camp last week. He was specifically asking me for advice about how he could ask a girl at camp to be his girlfriend. Part of my insides were jumping up and down for joy that he felt comfortable enough with me to ask for help. The other part of my insides were cringing at the thought of his young mind completely distracted by girls.

Although I’ve been a volunteer with teenagers for awhile now, I still have a hard time steering through conversations about dating. It’s hard to know when to say what. When to give advice and when to ask questions. When to warn them and when to get excited for/with them.

With this almost-man, I missed an opportunity. I got frustrated with his fixation on getting this girl to be his girlfriend and told him we were going to stop talking about it. His response? “Well I just won’t talk about it with you.” Bummer. Next time I will be ready with a few more questions and a little insight. 

Here are a few of my favorite conversation starters I’ve used with teenagers:

• Describe the perfect date. 
• What are the top 5 qualities you are looking for in a girlfriend/boyfriend?
• What do you think is the purpose of dating?
• How do you define love?

How do you guide conversations with teenagers/college students/young adults/friends about their dating life?

LINDSAY HALE

lkayephoto.wordpress.com