BEDWORK 4: PRACTICE SEX

Bedwork 4: Practice Sex

Here is my radio interview with Susan Knight of Calgary’s up!97.7 FM this week:

Last week, after I had done a seminar on sexual intimacy, a man walked up to me and said, “When you told us that we could have ‘practice sex’ a huge weight rolled off my shoulders.” His words reflected what I see in so many, many people. We put enormous expectations on our sexual relationships. There have to be fireworks each and every time. Every encounter has to live up to the passion that we see onscreen at the movies. Sex has to be good. All. The. Time. There is very little room for “practice sex.”

But in order to really get good at sex (yes, it’s a skill set), you must practice. I don’t just mean have sex more often, although that can be helpful too. I mean you must have times in which you consciously lower your expectations of each other. In practice sex, the two of you decide you want to get more skilled in a particular area. Perhaps she has never had multiple orgasms before, and you want to see what it takes to get her there. Perhaps he would like oral sex as part of your foreplay, and you are completely intimidated by this concept. Perhaps you are bored silly of the same three positions you have been using for the past decade and want to learn something new. Perhaps you just want to slow down a bit and not sprint to the finish line.

Here is your Bedwork for this week: Set aside one time when you and your spouse agree that you are going to try out practice sex. By agreeing ahead of time, you ease the pressure of performance. This experience is all about enjoying each other, not perfection. Then, allow for “mistakes” and “mediocre” sex during this time. Remember, to get really good at sex, you have to go through the awkward learning stage. So be patient with each other and enjoy it as much as possible. It might not be the best in and of itself, but this experience is moving you towards the goal of a deeper, richer skill set together. And that’s when the fireworks happen.

 ERYN-FAYE FRANS

 Canada's Passion Coach ®

ErynFaye.com

HOLIDAY PRESSURE CANCELED THIS YEAR

Ladies, this holiday season the pressure is OFF. 

I release myself (and you) from the need to cook the perfect turkey, be the most attentive hostess, buy the most creative presents, and decorate as if I was Martha Stewart’s inspiration. I am attempting to let all of this go wondering what Thanksgiving and Christmas could look like for me and my family if I move the focus from what is good to what is great.

Please understand that this proposal has humble origins. As I type, there are Christmas decorations fresh from the store sitting on my counter, and I have already had one planning session with my mom to prepare for the PERFECT Thanksgiving dinner. I am feeling the pressure to make sure my napkins and tablecloth match and my turkey is golden on the outside and juicy on the inside. Knowing this about myself, I am taking a moment to step back and consider who I want to look like over the next few months – Rachel Ray? Or Jesus?

As I continue to make my holiday plans, here are a few things I will take into consideration: 

• “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18 (Even those crazy relatives.)
• “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10 (Honor my husband when he needs a break from the parties and get-togethers.)
• “Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 (I will ENJOY time with my family and friends. I will express gratitude, happiness, peace.) 
• “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (If I burn the turkey, there will still be lots to eat.)
• “I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare.” –C.S. Lewis (Spend less on decorations so I can spend more on someone who needs it.)

And now I am off to test out these grand ideas with the hope and belief that Jesus will work in us and through us this season!

LINDSAY HALE

LINDSAY KAYE PHOTOGRAPHY