STANDING UP TO DECEMBER

December is the giant of the calendar year. It bullies all the other months with it’s frantic, festive persona. Both the fun-loving life of the party and the obnoxious character who sucks all the attention in the room. She’s busier and happier and larger than life.

But she’s also lonelier and sadder and phonier.

December bullies people too. She’s a hard task master. More than any other time of the year we want to do it all, and be it all, and get it all right. Or at least look the part in the family photo.

Not to worry. This isn’t a nihilistic, anti-Christmas post. It’s not another ‘embrace the true reason for the season’ sermon. This is just me, trying to make peace with December, the month I anticipate and dread in equal measure.

I love the trimmings and trappings of the holidays. I relish the music and the decorations and the warm, spicy smells. I’m deeply touched by Nativity, and the connotations of Immanuel: ‘God With Us’. I even enjoy rushing around to create those special seasonal moments.

Except when I don’t.

In December, there’s a fine line between ‘have-to’ and ‘want-to.’ Traditions can either comfort or consume, enhance or ensnare, delight or dilute. The question we have to ask ourselves is this: do our rituals serve us, or do we serve them?

Advent is meant to be a time of reflection, of mindfulness, of living with intention. This is both a spiritual discipline and a practical skill, and it doesn’t just happen, no matter how many garlands we hang.

So here’s me, making it clear from the get-go: December is not the boss of me!

CHRISTIE HOOS

SO HERE'S US

IF TRAGEDY STRUCK, HOW WOULD YOUR MARRIAGE DO?

One week ago, I was absolutely gutted. I didn’t have a chance to see the news until I went to pick my daughter up from school. Just before she ran out to greet me, excited to start our weekend together, I read about other parents who would never see their little ones again because a mentally unstable man had gunned them down.

Like parents all around the world, that night when I put Riley to bed, I held on to her a bit longer than normal.

“Mom, why are you hugging me so tightly?”

“Because I am so grateful for you.”

“Oh. Go ahead then.”

I was able to squeeze my daughter. But I was also able to hold my husband. Because after I loved on my child, my attention turned to him. You see, the divorce rates for couples who lose a child are notoriously dismal. One study estimated that there was an 80% chance that a couple would split up under these circumstances.[1]

My heart aches for the loss the couples in Newtown are experiencing, but I am also deeply concerned about their marriages. Will the death of their children be compounded by divorce in the years to come?

As I dug deeper on these questions, I took a long, hard look at my own marriage. How would Eric and I do if – God forbid – something happened to our daughter? Because even when it doesn’t make international news, tragedy strikes. Children get cancer. They drown. They are killed in car accidents. They are stillborn.

Friends of ours lost their two-year-old boy when a tornado ripped through their campground. One moment they were enjoying their vacation as a family, and the next minute they were dealing with indescribable loss. Eric and I present with this couple at a marriage conference each year where they openly share their story. Here is their perspective about processing loss without losing each other:

When we lost our son Lucas, people told us about the high rate of separation for couples who had lost a child. Our experience was that EVERYTHING is magnified. So, if you had a bad relationship, then that would be magnified. If you had a good one, then that would be magnified. We found God blessed our good relationship and brought us closer together than ever.”

If the unthinkable happened in your family, how would you and your spouse do? What would be magnified in your relationship? What are you currently doing to invest in activities and choices that would anchor you as a couple in the midst of tragedy? Are you carving out time for “professional development” in your marriage – perhaps through a marriage conference or coaching? Are you booking get-away weekends so that you and your spouse can reconnect? Are you scheduling date nights?

Without a doubt, we want this horrible situation to remind us to appreciate, love and value our children each and every day. But let’s not forget that what we are building into our marriages – right here, right now – predicts how we would navigate the tumultuous waters of grief as a couple.

---

[1] Rando, T. (1985.) “Bereaved Parents: Particular Difficulties, Unique Factors, and Treatment Issues,” Social Work, Vol. 30, p. 20.

ERYN-FAYE FRANS, Canada's Passion Coach ®

erynfaye.com

HOW TO BE A GOOD SPOUSE AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY

There is no getting around it – holiday parties can be dreaded events. As if being forced to spend time with colleagues you avoid like the plague during work hours isn’t bad enough, you’re supposed to be, well, merry. The only thing worse than attending a Christmas party at your own office is going as your spouse’s “plus one.”

But what if the Christmas party could actually help your relationship? What if your presence could bring value to your spouse’s professional life? What if attending could be one of the bestgifts you give your spouse all year? If you have the right attitude, you can reap a lot of relational benefits from the Christmas party. Here are some pointers:

1)   You get a snapshot of your spouse’s life 40+ hours a week. If you are like a lot of couples, there is an extremely good chance that the people at your spouse’s workplace get to see him more than you do. Sure, you get to hold his hand, raise children together and go to bed with him at night, but when you subtract the hours that you spend sleeping, commuting, eating and other such necessary activities, there might not be a lot left over for you. The Christmas party is your chance to step into your spouse’s world. Who does he interact with all day? What makes him so passionate about his job? How does he interact with others? How does he treat his direct reports? What does he really have to put up with from his boss? These answers give you new insight into your spouse – a very valuable thing in marriage if you want it to last.

2)   You get to see your spouse through the eyes of another. It is inevitable that over the years, we all have a tendency to put our spouses in a box. You have preconceived notions of what she likes, how she behaves in certain situations, and how she gets work accomplished. But her colleagues might have a radically different perception of her. When she is at work, her quirky sense of humour might have more air to breathe than at home rushing through dinner and homework duties. Her ability to manage a team might look drastically different than her attempts to support the elementary school fundraiser. What do your spouse’s colleagues appreciate about her? How does she bring value to her workplace? Discovering the answers might reveal a side of her that you haven’t seen in a while.

3)   You have the opportunity to make your spouse look good. Ultimately, this is the greatest gift you give your spouse. If you show up at the party with a great attitude, mingle with others, show interest in your spouse’s colleagues and behave respectfully (no heavy drinking, no tacky comments, no inappropriate outfits and no bugging the boss about overtime), your spouse will reap the benefits professionally, and you will reap them personally.

The holiday season is about sharing love and kindness to those around us. It is about slowing down enough to appreciate the small but significant things in life. Allow this holiday cheer to extend to your spouse’s Christmas party and into your relationship for the New Year.

ERYN-FAYE FRANS ® Canada's Passion Coach

Erynfaye.com

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS ... LESS CHRISTMAS

Sunday night we saw a production of Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.”  

In our basement.

The big girls and their friend put together an elaborate play with costumes and music and several very long intermissions. Their interpretation was unique to say the least.

Mary Scrooge was a modern woman who, according to the Ghost of Christmas Past, proposed to her boyfriend at Christmas. He promptly turned her down because she “just wasn’t into Christmas, which is, like, his favourite time of year… so it just would, like, never work.” Jerk! Kind of seems like she dodged a bullet there, but maybe that’s just me.

The Ghost of Christmas Present said, “S’up, yo?” then brought her to Tiny Tim, who was repeatedly dumped on his head. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t scripted, but it did increase the pathos (and fill me with gratitude that they had cast a Cabbage Patch doll instead of little brother for the role).

The Ghost of Christmas Future was appropriately creepy in one of our camping ponchos. The gravedigger, played by a snarky cowgirl, assured Mary that this would be her fate if she didn’t learn to love Christmas.

In the final scene, Scrooge celebrates her new favorite holiday (under threat of death) by running around town in a Hawaiian dress buying cheese for all the children. This is either a nod to Muppets Christmas Carol or a reflection of my eldest’s dearly held belief that cheese is the best food in the world (the stinkier the better).

The truth is, much like Mary, I’ve been dreading this whole season. The work. The decorating. The expense. The pine needles tracked through every nook and cranny of the house. The shopping and worrying and lists and trying to get everything right. I’ve been sick for a long time and now that I’m feeling better, this is a giant obligation hanging over my head.

But I’m the Mom. So my feelings from one moment to the next are rarely the priority. Which is why I decided to bite the bullet. I pulled the Christmas boxes out of storage and determined to unpack the bare minimum. The girls pulled out the rest and put most of it in their own room. At least now I can stop stressing about it.

It wasn’t that big of a deal. Not nearly as bad as I had built up in my head. In fact, it was fun to see how excited all the kids were. They have enough joy and anticipation and excitement to offset Mom and Dad’s general weariness.

I had to laugh at the subtext of their festive play. Not liking Christmas is the ultimate sin. Sure, Scrooge was rude and mean and greedy, but none of that was as unacceptable as being a Holiday Humbug. This is the moral of the tale as seen through preteen eyes. Also the Grinch, Shrek the Halls and countless sappy Hallmark specials.

Why is this a sin? Why do we feel this pressure? I have certainly felt guilty about my lack of “spirit” this year. I’m usually one of those Christmas-y folks that loves every minute.

Many of us take the opportunity in December to celebrate Jesus Christ. For us, the elaborate rituals of the season are all part of that, which makes it meaningful. But we don’t need Christmas to celebrate Jesus. He didn’t celebrate it himself, now that I think of it.

It is also a time to celebrate family and generosity and eating delicious food. For most of us. For some, Christmas comes with a lot of posing and pretending and pain. It’s consumerism at its worst. Greed. Loneliness. Impossible expectations.

So maybe that’s why the Grinch Hated Christmas. And maybe it’s none of our business that he did. 

It’s not a sin, after all.

Christmas is what you make of it. For some that means Martha Stewart meets Jimmy Stewart meets Angels Singing on High. For others, less is more. Who’s to say which is a better way? It comes down to personality, priorities and beliefs. So, let’s cut each other, and ourselves, some slack. Everyone should do as much or as little as they enjoy.

As for me and my house, we’ll find our Christmas spirit, just like we always do. And I’m not going to worry if we don’t.

After the show we all danced like maniacs to “All I Want For Christmas is You.” Pretty appropriate considering the one thing I’m totally excited about is sharing Christmas with our boy. Everything else is optional.

And for a moment, while L was showing her Dad how to do the moonwalk the “right” way, B was practicing her disco moves and the boy was doing an impressive running man, I felt like Christmas may be a pretty good idea after all.

So here’s me, a little less Grinch today than yesterday. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

CHRISTIE HOOS

So Here's Us

5 TIPS TO HELP AN OVERWHELMED CHILD ENJOY CHRISTMAS

Christmas is quickly approaching, and our kids are so excited, aren’t they? The smells of Christmas dinner, the anticipation of visiting loving family, the sight of brightly covered mystery packages under the tree, and the squeals of laughter and conversation can all serve as sensory overload for a child. Whether you have a young one at home or child with special needs, some of our kids become overwhelmed on Christmas day.

Consider these helpful tips to make the special day more enjoyable for all:

Pace the opening of gifts
When it is your child’s turn to open gifts, he or she may not be ready to proceed.  Often times, the opening of gifts is the most overwhelming time of the day for a child.  They are asked to wait and take turns, or they rip the gifts open so fast, they become overwhelmed by the very prospect of all the colors, noises, and excitement.
You may need to reconsider the pace which gifts are open. Consider different gift-opening options.  You might try opening a couple of gifts at a time, then take time to open and play with them in another room before unwrapping the rest of the gifts. You may choose to keep some gifts unopened or hidden until a later time.
You know when your child’s stress meter is rising. Be alert and free to roll with it. 

Allow your child to explore gifts on their own time clock
We adults have our own expectations about what Christmas day “should” look like. When living with an overwhelmed child, our expectations often clash with our child’s needs. Try to become aware of your own expectations and be willing to adjust for your children.  You may want to start playing with that cool toy and engage your child in exploration, but your child may not be ready.  Let your child lead the way of exploration when he or she is ready.

Offer frequent praise and nurture
When all the family members are engaged in conversation, television or games, it is easy to overlook your child for a good period of time…..until your child has an explosion. When overwhelmed for a long period of time, some young children or kids with special need’s begin to act out. The stimuli has been mounting within them and they explode!
Check in with your child frequently. Cuddle up with them, give them eye contact and specific praise. Praise the positive behavior that you desire to foster. What kind of praise reinforces your child the most? Is it a high-five, a kiss, a tickle game, or an m&m? Be generous with your reinforcements! They will go a long way to sustain your child and possibly prevent the next explosion.

Take calming breaks
Teach your child to take a break from all of the excitement. Through a hand signal, an index card, or a tap on the shoulder; your child can learn how to say, “I need a break”. Just as you are learning when to offer those breaks, your child can learn how to recognize when they need one. Until that time, consider taking your child on a brief break every hour to hour and a half.  The break may last about 10-20 minutes.
Find a quiet room to hang out together, go for a walk in the fresh air, or walk out to the car to get something together. Does your child have items that help them calm down? Put those items in a small backpack to keep accessible on Christmas day.  It may include a blanket, a squishy ball, lotion, or a small dvd player with their favorite cartoon. When the schedule of the day’s events are so unreliable to a child, their familiar items offer a calming effect.
Calming breaks can go a long way in preventing a child from becoming overwhelmed.

Make a game plan with your spouse
Before the big day, talk about these tips and your plan to implement them with your spouse.  Discuss the values to your family when you implement these tips.
What roles will you share during the day?  What vulnerable moments do you anticipate in the day?

When it’s all over…learn from the day

When the day is over, take some time to mull over your child’s day.

What things worked well?

What points of the day were more stressful for your child?

What can you do differently that will help the next big family event run more calmly for you and your child?  What will you do the same?

Jot down some notes and keep them in a place to remind you as you approach the next big event.  I like to keep notes on my cell phone calendar and in other strategic places I turn to when planning for the next season.  These reminders will help you be mentally prepared for the next event.

Take heart, tapping into your child’s needs and fostering positive outcomes is a process. Learn to give yourself some grace, as you live through this journey together.

Blessings to you and your family, this Christmas season!

BONNIE CHRISTENSEN

Woman Gone Wise

HOME REMEDY FOR HOLIDAY TUNNEL VISION

My usual afternoon route takes me past the popular shopping grounds of the season. I was driving along with the traffic on my way to pick up my boys from their three different schools. Suddenly a gigantic sedan attempted to make a right turn in front of me—from the left lane! I lay on the horn and burnt rubber, bringing my van to a screeching halt. I barely missed the side of the intrusive sedan.

My ice water splashed over me, my purse flew across the van, and my heart raced with intensity. I was so grateful we did not collide, so grateful I did not hit the passengers, and so terribly irritated that driver was in la-la-land and risked our lives!

I have been grouchy about Christmas crowds the last couple of days. People are shoving carts in front of others, with rarely an “excuse me” or “thank you.” My irritation grows as I wonder how so many people are so terribly rude at the same time.

After a third person absent-mindlessly sneezed on me in line, I called my husband to vent.  Half-jokingly, he responded, “It sounds like you lost your Christmas spirit today.”

It’s true. I am irritated in part, with myself. I desire to enjoy the Christmas season with a relaxed spirit. I want to keep a reign on the emphasis on the material. I want my heart centered on my love for God, my love for my family, and my love for others. It’s not an easy task in our culture, and I feel the spiritual struggle within.

It occurred to me, we have Holiday Tunnel Vision. We are all on a mission to hunt down gifts, avoid long wait in lines, and get home as quickly as we can.  The stress of cash and bills occupy our thoughts. I have to believe we are not seeking to be rude, rather, we are trapped within our own pursuits. It isn’t a pleasant place to be.

My home remedy for Holiday Tunnel Vision:

Simplify

Cut down on internal and external expectations.

Stop adding things to my list of purchases and activities.

Do things well, but don’t overdo it!

Make Do

This is my new pet phrase: make do.  We don’t need more stuff.

Learn to be content.

Get creative with the resources you already have.

Model to your kids how to “make do”.

Ask God to help you figure this out!

Nurture

Nurture, who has time to nurture during the holiday seasons?

Slow down. Give your body rest.  Schedule it in your day.

Turn the television, ringtone and radio off.

Enjoy the silence. Read.

Listen to God’s Spirit.  Ask Him what He wants you to hear.

Pray for your loved ones.

Pray for those in need.

Cuddle up with your family and play a card game.

Light the fireplace and tell stories or look through old photos.

Center

Center your faith. When we are occupied with other things, our faith is in danger of drifting away. Bring your thoughts and your holiday hoopla back to the center of your faith.

It is this season we remember and declare, that God, in His unfathomable love, came down in the form of man, to provide eternal life for all who believe in Jesus’ name.

As you simplify, make do, and sit down to nurture your soul; will you center your faith on these words with me this season?

Hebrews 2:14-18

“Since the children are made of flesh and blood, it’s logical that the Savior took on flesh and blood in order to rescue them by His death.

By embracing death, taking it into Himself, He destroyed the Devil’s hold on death

and freed all who cower through life, scared to death of death.

It’s obvious, of course, that He didn’t go to all this trouble for angels. It was for people like us, children of Abraham.

That’s why He had to enter into every detail of human life.

Then, when He came before God as High Priest to get rid of the people’s sins, He would have already experienced it all Himself

—all the pain, all the testing—and would be able to help where help was needed.”

Thank you Jesus, for taking on flesh and blood in order to rescue me through your own death. You conquered death, you conquer fear, you relate to every detail of my human life. You cleanse me of all sin and make a way for me to know God.  Happy Birthday, Jesus.  My gift to you is a life centered on You.  I pray it is pleasing to You each day.

BONNIE CHRISTENSEN

Woman Gone Wise

CHRISTMAS AT OUR HOUSE

So, the main problem a lot of people have with Christmas is that it starts WAY too early and consumes everything in its wake. Capitalist profiteers grab onto it like its the last cigarette at an AA meeting. It is in your face everywhere you turn: the decorations, the events, the sales, the music… everywhere you go, that same cheesy music echoes in your ears.

Well, I totally drank the koolaid this year. So brace yourself for an all festive favourites post today. Sorry cynics, you’ll have to look elsewhere for your holiday rant. But be sure to check back in the new year, I have very ambivilant feelings about Valentine’s Day.

Favorite Christmas Quote: “Teach us to give and not to count the cost.” — St. Ignatius of Loyola. Coincidentally, this is my husband’s LEAST favourite Christmas quote. But I’m pretty sure the saint was talking about a generosity that goes beyond fuzzy socks and santa claus pez dispensers.

Favorite Christmas Book: The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson. Not the most politically correct book of all time, but it has a heart of pure gold. Plus, I remember my mom reading it to me, so extra points for nostalgia. It starts with “The Herdmans were absolutely the worst kids in the history of the world.”

Favorite Christmas Movie: definitely It’s a Wonderful Life! I MUST watch this at least once every year, preferably on Christmas Eve. If you don’t like this movie, you have no heart. You are cold and cynical. And you may be married to me.

Favorite Christmas Tradition: We shamelessly stole this idea from our friends Mark and Lanette (you know what they say about sincerity and flattery and all that good stuff). One night in December we invite another family to join us for Grinch Night (a different family every year; be nice, and next year we might invite you!). Everyone dresses in green; this may or may not include green streaks in your hair and green face paint. We eat all green food and watch “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!” and “Shrek the Halls”. Green caramel popcorn is the best – looks snotty, tastes delicious!

FavoRite Gift Giving Ritual: Like most concerned (read: neurotic and guilt ridden) parents in the modern age, we are always looking for ways to teach our kids the real “reason for the season”. Ya, I said it. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, it’s so cheesy, but truly, I want more for them than just mindless consumption. We found the idea of Three Wise Gifts in a parenting magazine years ago and it brings a little more meaning to Christmas morning. Before opening gifts we read about the Kings who came to worship Jesus (an undetermined number of magi who came years after Jesus was born with 3 gifts). Each year we buy our children gifts in these three categories – frankincense: for worship (usually a cd or meaningful book); myhrr: for the body (clothes or good smelling stuff); and gold: something precious (this is the “big” item and is often shared by all three). Not only does it keep the gifts reasonable, but each one represents a different side of Jesus – God, Saviour and King.

Favorite Christmas Character: Mary, the mother of God. A scared, confused teenager facing an unplanned pregnancy and the censure of her whole community. Birth-days are not cupcakes and party favours. On the actual day of birth there is pain, exhaustion, blood, sweat and tears. It is a messy, overwhelming, and completely amazing experience for every mother. Throw in a few miracles, angelic visitors, political upheavel, uninvited guests… it’s hardly the serene image we see on Christmas cards. But even more powerful, because that’s kind of God’s thing – showing up in the middle of chaos and upheaval.

A great place to find thought provoking and beautifully written articles called Deeper Story had a great post about Mary, definitely worth a read: INCARNATION.

So here’s me, celebrating Christmas in the middle of chaos.

MARY'S SONG  from the Nativity Story.

CHRISTIE HOOS

Life on the Raggedy Edge

THE PLEASURE AND PRACTICE OF SLOWING DOWN

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you," 

Matthew 6:33

We just returned home after a week-long Thanksgiving vacation, when my husband began to pull out the multitude of Christmas decoration boxes we have accumulated. If he is feeling inclined to climb up that ladder and put Christmas lights across the roof, who am I to hold him back?  But, I wasn’t ready for those boxes to pile up in our hallway. I had laundry to do, lessons to plan, grocery shopping, and a few other details on my Saturday calendar.  My heart started to race.

“I’m not going to get to the decorations until next Saturday,” I explained.

There, I said it. The guilt of leaving it undone for a week was gone.  But, the anxiety remained. One more project to do.

Only I can take responsibility for the number of Christmas decorations I have to place through the house.  I am the one who cross-stitched all the family stockings, sewed the stuffed santas which sit atop kitchen cupboards and collected all the Christmas plates, frames and nativities over the years. I collected them in order to create a festive home, a place of celebration for my kids to enjoy and remember. But this year, the decorations created stress.

Saturday arrived and I was ready to begin the great decoration overhaul. As I emptied boxes, dodged the kids dancing around the floor with their dog, and answered phone calls; the stress began to rise again.  Visions of projects undone danced in my head.  I glanced into the living room and saw the place I have created for rest.

My Bible lies on the end table, my notebook and devotional book wait for me. A warm throw and coaster for my hot tea invite me to come and sit. I carved this small place of solitude out months ago, a place in the center of my home which is hard to walk past, without hearing the Lord whisper to me:

“My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “LORD, I am coming.” (Psalm 27:8).

In the midst of the noisy laughter and prancing of dog feet, the mess of the boxes and turmoil of projects to come, I turned my back and curled up on a small corner of the couch. I breathed in long deep breaths, and exhaled slowly. (I am learning to slow my body down and give it rest from the physical consequences of stress.) Then I quietly talked with my Lord. I read His Words to me, let Him speak to my heart and discussed the day with Him.

Our lives are spinning with activity, meetings, and media attachments. If our bodies are not constantly on the go, then surely our minds are!  It is a rarity to experience rest in this culture amidst the stress we have created.

To live with simplicity and slow ourselves down, includes bringing our minds back to the rest of our Shepherd.  When we seek Him first (Matthew 6:33), His kingdom and His righteousness, we are allowing our minds and our whole-self to be lined up with the Shepherd of our souls. It takes practice to pull ourselves away and make it happen. There in our solitude, we find pleasure in slowing down and hearing from the Lord.

As I walked back to my Christmas project, my body felt at rest; my mind focused on the things that matter most to me, and my spirit renewed and filled with His Spirit.

I finished a good portion of the decorations, and put the rest of the boxes back in the closet for another year. I decided to cut down my own Christmas decorating expectations in order to be about the simple more pleasurable things in my life: like baking goodies, laughing with my kids, and enjoying the gift of timeless and eternal moments with my Lord.

Share with us how you have found rest or simplicity in the midst of the holidays. How do you keep your focus on your Good Shepherd?

BONNIE CHRISTENSEN

WomanGoneWise.com

CHRISTMAS MEMORY SUCCESS

Have you ever gotten through the holidays and wished you had done more? Not BOUGHT more, but made more memories with the people who mean the most to you?

For the first 3 years of my youngest son’s life, I was fighting depression and anxiety. It was hard enough for me to get out and get a few gifts for under the tree. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the presence of mind to on-line shop until it was too late. I would deny Christmas was even happening until the 19^th. Then, after Christmas I would go over the list of things and experiences I WISH I would have done with my family to create memories. 

Even today, virtually stress free, the thought of the Christmas season gives me anxiety. Knowing that my children deserve to grow up with great memories at Christmas, and being on a tight budget I came up with a solution. 

I would plan every single night of December out, and to insure that I follow through with what I plan I would write each thing on a small piece of paper and put it into an empty advent calendar for my kids to open every day. 

If you are at all like me, or are looking for some traditions to start I would love it if you use my idea.

Here are some tips and suggestions:

1) Get a blank calendar for the month of December

2) Start by adding the things that are already planned for you: Special Church services, Christmas parties, family gatherings, volunteering. 

       - If your kids aren’t involved in some of these things and you’re getting a sitter then make sure you add something from step (3 or 4) on those nights to their advent Calendar.

      - My kids are clueless as to when these events are happening so it is a complete surprise to them when they open their calendar and see that they are going to a party, or feeding the homeless. 

3) Then move to the things you would like to schedule as outings: Zoo lights, going to see a play, Ice Skating, Shopping (With Mom for Dad, or with Dad for Mom), Driving around looking at Christmas lights (with music and hot chocolate of course). 

     - I take the money out of the budget right away when planning for these things. If it’s not required to pay ahead of time, then I put the $ in the advent calendar and tell the kids that they will be responsible for paying for the family to go. That way they can start understanding about money early, and they can see if there is left over for hot chocolate or other treats they may want.

4) Then I add in Christmas television programming that can’t be missed: Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, How the Grinch stole Christmas, Charlie Brown Christmas etc. 

      - As you are making out your schedule look up your favorite programs and see when they are airing. You can DVR these programs and watch them on any night and at any time. So if you need to start at 6:00 so bedtime isn’t missed…you can.  

5) Fill in the last spots with at home activities including things you normally wouldn’t let your kids do: Stay up an extra 30 minutes, Make a blanket fort and sleeping in it, Krispy Kreme Donut after dinner, Sleep in a tent on living room floor(we do this every Dec. 23), Making Gingerbread houses, Craft night, make cookies for neighbors and friends, Reading the Christmas story from the bible, or CANDY. 

     - Some of these things can be combined with other things like: eating dinner on the living room floor and watching Charlie Brown Christmas. (Unless you usually eat in the living room, then change it up and eat at the table together).

    -  Make a shopping list and get all activity items before December starts. This way, you just have to go to your closet and get what you need. 

     - I usually only add CANDY to a night where we have sports practice and homework we have to fit in…sometimes you don’t have an extra 30 minutes in the evening to do something cool. My kids don’t get candy a lot so this is a treat to see in their calendar.

The key to this is to be flexible! I put the slips of paper into the Advent calendar weekly in case I have to swap things around due to a sick kid or schedule change.

Keep a master list, and put everything into your personal calendar. I plan this stuff at the end of November, so about two weeks in, I can’t remember when we are doing what. It’s nice to look at the list when I need to.

This system has eliminated a lot of the stress that comes with the holidays for me because it’s all done ahead of time. It usually takes me an entire afternoon and a shopping trip to get this planned but its well worth it to not be feeling nuts when everyone is going nuts.

Make your calendar according to what memories you want to create with your family. 

Happy memory making!

Oh, this could easily be done for a husband too…I think this year I’m going to a make him his own advent calendar. 

Here is an example of a December Calendar:

Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
				1	2	3
				New Christmas book	Make Blanket fort with TV inside – Watch Frosty and Frosty Returns	Shopping with Dad for Mom
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
Gingerbread Houses with Big Bro Daniel and Cousins	Game Night	Take Dinner to Daniel at work  Krispy Kreme after dinner	Eat dinner on living room floor and watch How the Grinch stole Christmas	Have Ty read Christmas story from his Bible CANDY	Dad’s X-mas Work Party – Kids to watch Santa Paws with sitter	Shopping with Mom for Dad Zoo Lights
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
Crafts with Cousins	Watch Rudolph the red nosed reindeer	New Christmas book	Watch Charlie Brown Christmas	Game night	Spanaway Lights	Make Cookies for neighbors and friends
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
Deliver gifts to Salvation Army families. Drive around look at Holiday Lights	Game Night Fall asleep in Mom and Dad’s bed	Take dinner to Daniel at his work – Stay up an extra 30 minutes	Crafts with Neighbor Friends Watch Santa clause is coming to town	Have Dad read X-mas story from bible Deliver Holiday meal to adopted family	Sleep in tent on living room floor – Read night before X-mas	Xmas Eve Services – HPCC Open One gift
25	26	27	28	29	30	31
Merry Christmas!

*PLEASE add to Adrian's list by sharing some of your favorite family activities with us!

ADRIAN KASHPORENKO