Here is my radio interview with Susan Knight of Calgary’s up!97.7 FM today:
On her radio show this afternoon, Susan Knight mentioned a blog post by Single Dad Laughing. Having two divorces under his belt, the author wrote a post on 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage. I think it is a fabulous piece because it gives us all the opportunity to look at our relationships and see where we are “blowing” it right now, but it also gives us tools to make things better.
Single Dad Laughing (aka Dan Pearce) has some great insight, and I highly recommend you read the blog for yourself. But before you do, let me highlight a few take-aways from his list.
1) The little things are important. You know how we are always told not to sweat the small stuff? Well, the small stuff is important in marriage because a bunch of small stuff accumulates into big stuff over time. Remembering to hold hands, putting effort into staying attractive, making meals and letting your spouse know you appreciate him – that might seem small in the moment but it has a huge impact on a long-term relationship.
2) Get rid of contempt. Yelling, name-calling, and believing you are better than your spouse are all signs of contempt in your relationship. According to Dr. John Gottman (who claims to predict divorce with 93% accuracy), contempt is the fast-track to divorce. So stop calling your spouse a jerk or pointing out all his faults…it’s not a productive way to let out your frustration.
3) You have got to laugh! Laughter (often prevalent in the infancy of our relationship) is absolutely crucial to its well-being. Pearce mentions that you have to have fun together, and while I agree whole-heartedly, I would take this a step further. Laughter releases endorphins in our brains and makes us feel closer together. So, instead of fighting, trying watching a funny movie or going to a comedy show together instead. When we are laughing with each other, it is a lot easier to sort through the tough stuff in our marriage.
Thanks for bringing Pearce’s post to my attention, Susan! The rest of you can go read it for yourselves here.
ERYN-FAYE FRANS, Canada's Passion Coach®
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