"My God, my God why have You forsaken me?”
This was the cry of David’s heart as he began Psalm 22 and it was the cry of Jesus’ heart as He hung on the cross.This was also the cry of my heart the night after our oldest son’s second major surgery.
He had been hit and pinned between two trucks on August 4th, 2010 and spent the next month moving down from ICU to each level of hospital care until he could be released.
Hunter, our son, had just had a muscle flap transfer and was in excruciating pain all night long - in spite of the heavy drugs.
“I kept praying out loud for You to take the pain away ... to just touch him somehow ... and nothing happened - nothing changed. I cried and pleaded for You to hold my baby, to gently rock him, to soothe him ... and You didn’t.
I felt like I was praying to the walls of the hospital room.
I felt alone. I felt forsaken.
How could You not hear us? Not answer us? Turn Your back on us?
Not help my boy ... Your boy? Your son who had come so far -- whose heart is so soft to You right now ... I don’t get it. I don’t understand.
I honestly felt forsaken.”
Have you ever felt forsaken by God? Did you ever get an answer from God as to why He seemingly disappeared when you needed Him most? Were you afraid to admit you felt this way?
I sincerely believe that God is big enough to handle any of our feelings. Let’s face it, feelings don’t equate truth. Remember, part of intimacy is sharing our gut-honest thoughts and emotions. It’s senseless to try to hide anything from our Abba Father.
However, many Christ-followers don’t know what to do with this feeling of spiritual abandonment. Many won’t admit to ever having felt it. And many will tell you that if you don’t feel Christ’s presence at all times, then it’s you who has moved away from Him. (So now you feel both abandoned and guilty that it’s somehow your fault! No comfort there.)
I will share with you what God impressed upon my spirit months later, and perhaps give you another perspective to contemplate the next time you feel forsaken ...
“Christie, it is far easier to trust me when you can see My fingerprints. It’s not as big a step of faith for you take when you can hear My Voice. And, there’s a greater likelihood of you reaching out to Me when you can feel Me right by your side.
But Who do you trust when you cannot hear Me, feel Me, or see Me? Where will you turn? Can you believe Me when I am silent? Can you entrust your heart to My Goodness when I am invisible?”
It was then I remembered the interchange between Christ and Thomas in John 20. It began with Thomas making the statement, “Unless I shall see in His hands the imprint of the nails, and put my finger into the place of the nails and put my hand into His side, I will not believe. ... Then Jesus said to Thomas, ‘Reach here your finger, and see My hands, and put it in My side; and be not unbelieving, but believing.’ Thomas answered and said to Him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ Jesus said to him, ‘Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.”
Huge questions for my soul to process -- and as I did, I began to wonder if I experienced feeling forsaken for a reason? For a higher calling? For a greater purpose?
Have you ever felt forsaken by God? Did you consider that there was a greater purpose at work? What questions did your soul need to process?
Let’s put the hard questions out on the table and talk about them ..... please share with me your thoughts.
CHRISTIE LEE RAYBURN
