FROM THE HEART

When I had my own classroom last year, I had a poster hanging on the wall just like the one below.  I really wanted my students to think about the power of their words before they came out of their mouth. At the beginning of the year, we squeezed a tube of toothpaste and then tried to put the toothpaste back into the tube as an illustration that you can never take back words once they have been spoken.  We weren't successful 100% of the time, but I heard snippets of conversations from time to time where students would ask or tell each other, "Is that inspiring?" "Was that helpful?"  It made me proud to know that some of my students really took that to heart.

This year, since stepping out of the classroom into a leadership position, I've really thought about the words that come out of my own mouth and the power they have.  I haven't been perfect, not even close.  There have been days where I've said the wrong thing, but I've owned it.  There have been days where the words I spoke were taken out of context or misconstrued.  Only I know the intent behind those conversations.  But, I've really been pondering the way teachers speak.  Last year, I had the amazing opportunity to meet Ron Clark and he made a comment that jumped off of the stage and has stuck with me.  I know I won't get it exactly right, but he spoke about how teachers are the world's worst at tearing each other apart.  He gave several examples that I could really relate to…"Look at her working late.  She's doing it for recognition." or "Dressing up for costumes is just a way to get attention.  There's not time for that."  

I thought back to the many, many days I ate lunch in teachers' lounges, attended professional developments, etc. and heard those very same comments about teachers who are in the trenches in all out warfare for their students.  I thought about the teachers who made the comments and the teachers whom the comments were about.  It broke my heart and continues to break my heart.  Teachers should be bound together by a code, much like the Navy Seals.  They never leave a man behind, and never talk bad about one of the team.  They do everything they can to make sure everyone comes out of a mission successful.  

As teachers, we need to band together and lift each other up every where and in everything that we do. We should be knocking on the doors of teachers in our building and asking if there is any help that is needed and asking for help ourselves.  

We have a greater mission than of ourselves.  Those little guys, and big ones too, who sit in the desks in our classrooms deserve a "team" of professionals that value each other, learn from each other, encourage each other.  That positive energy feeds into our students, who then take it to each other.  If teachers model positivity, just think about what our students would do. 

Being positive or negative is a choice.  One that we must make many times in a single day.  But we have the power to choose it ourselves.  So, if you choose to be positive, pull up a chair beside me at the lunch table and let's talk about how amazing your students are.  If you choose to be the negative nelly - about teachers or students - I'd really prefer that you sit somewhere else.

SHASTA LOOPER

The Teacher's Loop

EXPERIMENTS IN GRATITUDE

One thing that drives me nuts is kids who are ungrateful. You’ve seen them. They stand in the checkout line at the grocery store next to a mother who has a heavily laden buggy – usually filled with items custom tailored for said ungrateful kids – and whine and complain about what they don’t have in life. “But Mom, why can’t I have the chocolate bar??? But Mom. But Mom. Mommmmmm.” It is enough to make me seriously consider the virtues of a one-child policy or mass sterilization. In fact, for years Eric and I called those encounters “birth control” because we left the store so disenchanted with the whole parenting experience that our timeline for beginning a family got bumped back by six months every time we ran into one of those kids.

I suppose I am especially sensitive to the issue because Eric has devoted his life to non-profit work. He has always, for as long as we have been together, poured his soul into helping those less fortunate than the rest of us. I get a blow-by-blow of what happens in his world each and every evening, and this insight serves to drastically lower my tolerance for those who cannot appreciate the wealth they have been given in life.

Unfortunately, all of us fall prey to this insidious culture. Just the other day, after two hours of fun mother/daughter shopping for Easter supplies, Riley pouted in the back seat of the car because she wasn’t able to find exactly what she wanted. Let’s be clear, she didn’t come home empty-handed by any means, but that perfect item had remained elusive. I was seriously ticked off. As I contemplated my response, I ran through every scenario from grabbing her bunny ears off her head and throwing them out the window of the car to throwing all her toys into a trash bag and donating them to The Salvation Army to losing my temper and yelling at her to be grateful for what she has.

Thankfully, I didn’t do any of those things. And the reason why I didn’t was because, just that afternoon, I had watched Shawn Achor speak about real happiness…and real happiness entails cultivating a culture of gratefulness. So, instead of throwing a fit or stripping Riley’s bedroom, I decided that the Frans family is going to do an Experiment in Gratitude. Following on Achor’s suggestions, each night we are each going to share three things for which we are grateful. Instead of griping and complaining about lack of gratitude, we are going to start practicing it…together…because we can all use a dose of real happiness in our lives.

I highly recommend that you watch this video from Achor. Not only will you laugh your bunny tail off, but you might just find the keys to beginning an Experiment in Gratitude for your home as well.

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/lang///id/1344

ERYN-FAYE FRANS, Canada's Passion Coach ®

ErynFaye.com

I WILL CALL HER BLESSING

Wednesdays are busy for me. Pre-school for my 4 year old, early release for my 8 year old, dinner, bible study and AWANA…throw in an errand and we are packed for the day.

Normally, on a day where we are so crunched for time, I would say no to my children begging me to take them to the store because they have money burning a hole in their pocket. Today, for some reason, I said yes.

It was sunny but crisp outside as we turned out of our neighborhood onto the main road, I happened to see a woman on the side of the road, off a ways, near the briar bushes sitting on a duffle bag with her elbow on her knee and her head on her fist. She was in her late 20’s to mid 30’s and had BEAUTIFUL dark skin, a handkerchief covering her hair, a flowing calf length denim skirt, a flannel long sleeved shirt with a warmer coat on top, and one inch platform flip flops. I had seen this before…but not in my community. 

We kept driving and spent a good 45 minutes spending our money. I treated myself to a five bucks (that’s Starbucks to you) which is something I hadn’t done in a long time. With a new pair of jeans and a warm coffee in my hands we set off to drive home.

There she was, still sitting there with her hand on her fist and her elbow on her knee. Something in my heart said STOP. 

I looked at my rear view mirror and hanging there, was the reason why the image of that woman was so familiar to me. She reminded me of South Africa, where it is not uncommon to see someone sitting on the side of the road with a bushel of something to sell, or someone just resting for a minute. It, in fact, is normal there. In South Africa there are so many people on the side of the road…but not here. Again my heart said STOP.

I tried to dismiss it as I pulled into our neighborhood. Rationalizing it by telling myself that I don’t have time, my kids are in the car, I need to make dinner before our evening activities…Louder: TURN AROUND and just ASK her if she needs help.

I looked at that Starbucks cup and was immediately embarrassed for buying it. It was such a luxury. In fact, the last time I got back from South Africa, I didn’t buy a coffee for an entire year to make a statement about the frivolous lifestyle I wanted to leave behind. 

I could not, go and ask to help this girl, with a Starbucks cup in my car. Again: TURN AROUND and ask her if she needs help. 

What if my kids freak out because they want to go home and play with this new trinket they just spent their money on? What if we are late? What if I can’t get dinner done? TURN AROUND!

We pulled into our cul-de-sac and I pulled over before we got to the house. My 8 year old, Ty, asked me what we were doing. This is how the conversation went:

Me: “Ty, did you see that lady over by Laura’s house sitting by the side of the road?”

Ty: “Yes”

Me: “Do you think we should go ask her if she needs help?”

Ty: “Yes, mamma”

I turned the car around and headed back to where the lady was sitting. FEAR came over me and I broke into a sweat. The decision had been made, we were going back! I repeated over and over “I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.” 

I drove my car to my friends house, who was half a block away from where the woman was sitting, left my kids there and started walking. As I rounded the corner and had her in my sights she was just getting up and grabbing her bag. 

“Excuse me, I saw you sitting here, and I was wondering if you need any help?”

She hadn’t seen me coming, so a little startled she said: “I was walking, and I got tired, so I stopped here to pray, I’ve been here praying about a lot of things, and one thing was for someone to help me.”

Sticking my hand out toward her I said “Well, My name is Adrian and God placed you on my heart to help. What is it that you need help with?”

Assessing the situation, I could tell she was running from something and she had just left. She was clean, I could smell her soap. Her clothes were clean, her bag was clean…She was not strung out on drugs and she looked me in the eye when she talked. I HAD TO KNOW this girls story. 

She was looking for a ride to Tacoma, and after talking to my friend who I left my kids with we decided that giving her some bus money and driving her up to the park and ride would be the best idea.

I cleaned out the front seat of my car and was embarrassed again. I saw that target bag with the jeans in it, a GPS, an ipod dock, and a smart phone…along with that dang Starbucks cup…I looked at her and realized all she had, was all she had with her and there she was…praying on the side of the road in her flip flops on a crisp fall day.

As we drove, I tried to pry and ask questions, she didn’t budge too much. What I did find out was she has family here in Puyallup that “she just needs to get away from.” And she’s looking to get to a truck stop in Tacoma where she will try to make her way to <something tells me not to put the city name in this blog> because the one time she visited there…it was nice. She was hoping to start a new life there. 

I pulled into the mall parking lot near the bus station and asked if I could pray for her before she left the car. She agreed. Then she reached across the car, hugged me, and called me blessing as if it were my name. She got out of the car and I watched her walk away.

By this time, I had 2 text messages from my husband telling me that my friend had called him and told him I was doing something crazy. The other one was telling me to turn the GPS on my phone on. TOO LATE!

I don’t know what she was running from.

I don’t know what she has ahead of her, although I cringe at the thought of her making it to a truck stop.

What I do know is that the Holy Spirit moved me. He asked me to step up and be a part of the plan. I am humbled that I was asked, but ashamed of the process it took for me to say yes. When it comes down to it, I’m a chicken! I obey out of fear not out of excitement. My thought process is this: Would I rather have a little discomfort now or untold pain later?” There will be punishment for disobedience either while we are here on this earth or when we meet Him face to face. 

I have to trust that He has this young lady’s life in His hands and that she will have a great story to tell someday. 

Thank you God for bringing this woman into my life for the hour that you did. She put a mirror in front of me, and I see that there are some things that need to change. I will call her blessing.

Adrian Kashporenko

WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO DO THAT?

My 8 year old son does not come by anything naturally, maybe most kids don’t, I don’t know. My 4 year old comes by things very naturally…I only have the two children to compare so maybe some of you can identify, or have a child similar to my 8 year old. He needs to be shown or coached through everything. Teaching him things is not always easy. I relate to my 8 year old. HE IS ME when I was growing up. I was always so frustrated and felt like my brain didn’t work because I didn’t get some of the concepts that others did (well, that’s another blog). 

I have been struggling over the last year to teach him the value of work and money. My husband and I believe that it is our job to teach our children how working on commission is how the world works. You do the work you get paid. You don’t do the work, you don’t get paid. There is no allowance. We also believe that there are certain responsibilities you have in a family that you do because you are part of the family. 

I struggled to find balance between what he should do as a member of our family for free, and what he could do for money, and it seemed that at every turn there was negotiations going on about “If I do that how much will I earn?” or “I’m not doing that for free, I want a quarter” Then there would be whining and grumbling the entire time.

So I did what the typical house does and made a chore chart. My attempt at a chore chart was defeated when he decided he would only do enough to make the money he wanted then he wouldn’t do any more. 

If I asked him to help me out in picking up he would say “I didn’t make that mess, why should I have to…?” Again, the grumbling.

We were constantly arguing over the “Why should I have to?”

I finally had to sit down and ask myself, What is it exactly that I want him to learn? What is the end result? When he is an adult, what do I want this to look like? Do I want him turning to his boss and saying “I didn’t make that mess, I’m not cleaning it up?” Do I want him on the job doing the bare minimum to get his paycheck? Do I want him to grumble and complain about what he has to do? I could name 5 people off the top of my head that do this exact thing in the adult world…The answer is NO! Nothing I was saying or doing was helping this attitude problem.

I was thinking about all of this as I was listening to my favorite afternoon radio show, and the host said something that hit me. He said (talking to a caller), “If you worked for me, you’d be fired by now.” And the light bulb turned on. If my husband went to work with the attitudes my son does he’d be fired by now. 

I realized that he was failing at what I was attempting to teach him because I hadn’t started with the basics…a work ethic. My son, needed to be taught how to have a good work ethic. He completely respects and loves his father, so why not use him as an example?

Here is what I devised:

#1) THE SALARY – You are only allowed to make $2 a day (in the summer), no more. School year rates will be different.

#2) THE WORK – You will do what I ask, when I ask, no matter what.

• This is not a chore chart. I assess every day what household things need to be done and he is to work for me until I say he is done with no negotiation on how much he will make for each thing he does…he just keeps working until the work is done.

#3) THE ATTITUDE - If I hear grumbling of any kind…YOU’RE FIRED, and you don’t get paid that day…we try again the next day.

#4) THE BONUS – If you see things that need to be done and do them without being asked you have potential to earn a bonus at the end of the month. 

I sat him down and explained to him that:

• Daddy goes to work everyday, and he has a salary. Dad only gets to make so much every day. No matter what he does in that work day it’s the same.
• Daddy does what he’s asked when he’s asked, or has it done by the deadline given. 
• Daddy cannot go to work and grumble about what he is asked to do, or he will be fired. 
• Daddy does his best to see what needs to be done before he is asked so that his company knows he is a good employee and worth keeping around (even in the tough times). Sometimes, because of that, Daddy gets a bonus from his company to show appreciation for what he has done above and beyond what he was asked to do.

We made an agreement that the first day would be a trial run and I would just point out what attitudes would get him fired (because he really didn’t know). He was fired 4 times that day and each time he made a mental note and didn’t do it again.

In the days that followed it got easier and easier and he became happy to do whatever I asked. I didn’t hear “Why do I have to do that” or “How much for this job”. He was happy to get his money and I was happy to give it to him. He still hasn’t quite caught on to the bonus system. Like I said, he doesn’t come by things naturally, so he doesn’t really see that there is anything to be done outside of what he is told. I’ll help him through that in the next couple of weeks. 

This system works for my 8 year old. I don’t expect that it would work for every child, in fact, it doesn’t work at all for my 4 year old. He gets overwhelmed by the “you’re fired” maybe its just his age, maybe its him and his style. 

I’ve learned over the years that sometimes we as parents need to give up what we think of as the “right way” of doing things and try to find what works best for the individual child.  We all learn different. I am very lucky that my son is exactly how I was when I was a child, so I can relate to him. I know what it’s like to not see that anything else needs to be done. (Those socks on the floor are perfectly fine where they are…they’ve been there for 3 days isn’t that where they belong now?) I literally had to learn everything. 

Don’t hear me say that I’m not guilty of nagging my children…I so am! Asking God for help to break that cycle and to bring ideas to me that will help me and my children is where the glory goes for any success I have had. 

Now to work through the kinks of the “because you are part of this family” system…

We would love to hear your ideas of how to teach kids a good work ethic. If you try out Adrian's idea, then please let us know how it works for your family. Lastly, if you have any tips on teaching "because you are part of this family", please do share!

ADRIAN KASHPORENKO

THE FLIGHT

It was time to fly home from Atlanta to Seattle.  My 18 month old (and only child at the time) was my reason to board the plane first so we made ourselves comfortable before all the other passengers started to get on. She loved people watching as everyone walked by or took their seats in front of us as I silently wondered who would fill the seat next to me. As soon as I saw him, I knew he would be my seat buddy and I have to admit, I was not at top game. 

Here comes this guy with gray curly hair standing straight up in a Lyle Lovett fashion with dirty clothes and wrinkly skin that looked worn and tired of the sun. He looked homeless.  His black grungy boots were sticking their tongues out at me, as if mocking the upcoming torture I was sure to endure and the laces clicked the emergency lights strips with every step.  He squinted at every seat label as he passed to see if he was to 35 yet.  Really?!  Since when do the seats on airplanes go in any order but numeric.   I had no idea his seat assignment but was certain Murphy's Law would plop him right next to me.   He made his way down and sure enough, that empty seat was about to be filled with a furry, drunk, rude man!   Great.  5 hour flight...

His name was Cory and he was the nicest man.  His feet didn't even stink after he took off these big work boots he had been running around in all day. Cory could tell I was exhausted as Caelan jumped up and down in my lap, tearing the pillows out from under peoples heads in the rows in front of us. He kept offering to hold her for a minute to save my legs but she wanted to save all her thrashing for me.  He told me all about his twin grandaughters and how he couldn't wait to be back home to Seattle. With kind smiles and an keen understanding of when to stop talking, the flight went by very smoothly and actually quite enjoyable.  I was glad that God put Cory on that flight to teach me a lesson. How ugly my heart was to assume such things about him but how convicted and changed I felt after sitting next to him in row 35.  Still praying the people around me felt convicted to forgive curious Caelan for pulling out their earphone countless times to ask them "whatcha doin?".

AMY BALLARD

AmyBPhotography.com