WIVES, YOU MAY NEED TO RE-DEFINE THE WORD “SEXY”

Our anniversary was approaching and I was out shopping for what I thought would be Mark’s favorite gift -- something new for me to wear to bed. As I was having fun browsing through a lingerie store, many thoughts were going through my head ....

• “Oh he would LOVE that outfit- so soft to the touch!”
• “No, that wouldn’t do anything for him.... too boring”
• “He’d think that was cheap looking.”
• “Maybe ... I don’t know what he’d think of that... just not sure...”
• "Wow - that's a definite - but, oh my, I don't think he'd want me to spend that much!"
• “What is he in the mood for ... classically pretty or downright sexy or playfully cute?”

Then I answered my own question - “He’d always choose ‘sexy’ if he could only choose one kind of look! Or would he?" That thought led me to another question (this happens on a regular basis for me) ... another thought that crossed my mind for the very first time .... 

“What if what I think - he thinks is “sexy” - isn’t ‘sexy’ to him at all? What if cute is his style of 'sexy'? What if what he thinks is sexy changes with his moods? What if I have been ‘missing it’ all these years?”

Now granted, my husband has made it quite clear that he has appreciated and enjoyed every piece of lingerie or ‘creative costuming’ I have ever worn to this date. But, the truth is that I have always assumed what he would think is ‘fabulous lingerie’ without really asking him.

For instance, I don’t know why ... but, from the time I got married, I imagined that the ‘sexiest’ thing I could wear is a bustier with a garter belt and thigh highs. Where did I get this notion from that I couldn’t get any sexier than that? I have no idea. Maybe it was my romantic side, thinking it reminded me of the 1800’s with corsets or maybe it was my own stereotyping, thinking that all men loved garter belts - who knows?

But the light bulb finally went on for me -- it’s high time I ask my husband what HE thinks sexy looks like when it comes to lingerie! So I did.

It was a lesson well-learned. My husband re-defined “sexy” for me and I was excited to go shopping again, along with my new insights.  


I no longer have to wonder or guess or imagine. I know my man’s favorite colors on me. I know his preference of material. I know his favorite look. I even know how often he likes me to wear something special.

I want to encourage you to let your husband give you HIS definition of sexy - after all, his clarification is what matters most. In order to help you out, I’ve included a little Lingerie Quiz for you to use. 

YOU DEFINE SEXY

Your 3 favorite colors on me are: 

1ST____________    2ND ___________    3RD ___________

Which do you enjoy more? Circle top two.

Lace     Sheer     Mesh     Satin     Leather     

Which style is sexiest on me? Circle top two.

Teddy     Camisole & Boxers     Baby Doll     

Bustier & Garter Belt     Short Slip Gown     

Long Gown     Bra & Panty

Do you mostly enjoy me …..

Scantily clad so you see lots of skin

Quite covered so you can imagine more

Somewhere in between

Would you rather have lingerie….

With easy access to all parts of me

Lots of pieces for you to remove

If I was to wear a creative costume, which would you prefer?

French Maid   Pirate   Sports player   Other:___________

How many times per week would you enjoy seeing me in lingerie?

1     2     3     4     5     6     7  

When do you want to know that you will see me in lingerie?

Day Ahead so you can be imagining

That Morning so you can count the hours down

When you get home so you can hurry up dinner

Just before so it’s a great surprise

In my lingerie, am I sexier when I am shy or bold? ___________

What is one thing I do when I’m in lingerie that drives you wild? 

______________________________________________________________

I would love to hear if any of you were surprised by how your husband answered or  if this quiz sparked any great conversations.


I want to recognize that there are many women reading this who feel a million miles away from 'sexy' or lingerie shopping. Instead, you might be feeling distant, confused, or frustrated about your present sex life. Let me encourage you to initiate a conversation with your husband about how you are feeling. Ask if he would be willing to brainstorm options for baby steps that the two of you could take to begin a new direction. Remember that I am here, as well, if you need any help with that conversation.

Here’s to always learning more about our men......

CHRISTIE LEE RAYBURN, MIRROR MIRROR

ChristieLeeRayburn.com

EVERY LITTLE GIRL WANTS HER DADDY’S LOVE

She twirls like a ballerina in her new holiday dress and shiny shoes, “Daddy, don’t I look pretty?” 

She jumps into his arms of safety after he encourages, “Come on sweetheart - you can do it - daddy will catch you!” 

She loves holding her father’s big, strong hand as they walk places and she adores hearing his voice call her his ‘little princess’.

‘She’ is every little girl - and she yearns for her daddy’s love as she begins to grow up. 

Not only would I testify to this for myself but I have had a front row seat observing the relationship between our only daughter and her daddy.

I’ve been taken aback as I have watched the yearning in my daughter’s eyes for her daddy’s belief in her capability. I see the incredible difference her father’s reactions make in her perception of her talents or skills. His words determine the outcome of her self-assurance and potential -- one encouraging word can literally boost her confidence to dream and risk and one critical word can send her straight to the land of insecurity, doubting herself. Fathers affirm competence and set the path for a woman to believe “I don’t have to prove myself. I can do anything.”

It’s amazing how my husband has become her ‘personal mirror’. The truth is that so much of of her self-image is reflected in the way her father sees her, the way he interacts with her, and the way he talks about her to others. If he compliments her and assures of her beauty, she feels like the most lovely young lady in the land. However, a simple throw-away comment or too much teasing can confirm her inner thoughts of ugliness; ugliness that no amount of make-up can cover. Yet, most dads don’t realize the power they hold in establishing their daughter’s self-worth.

Experience shows that fathers are very important role models for their daughters, especially in the puberty and teen years. A father is the first male that a girl comes to intimately know, and he can set the stage for how his daughter interacts in future relationships, especially with men. Just the other day our daughter declared to her dad that “he ruined her!” My husband exclaimed, “What? That sounds horrible - what on earth do you mean that I ruined you?” She went on to explain that, when it came to dating and marriage, he set the bar very high. She admires that he loves God so openly and has such a giving heart. She respects that he is a strong man with a tender heart. But, mostly, she never doubts that he loves his wife completely, creatively, and faithfully - and she has watched it all firsthand. Therefore, she isn’t going to settle for anything less in a young man. 

So, from a mother’s perspective, let me encourage every daddy out there to invest big in his little girl’s life. 

• Please support her interests and ask questions about what she is involved in. Build her up every chance you get. Be there for her games or performances. There is no substitute for your presence.

• Please compliment her. Hug her. Tell her how much you love her and how beautiful she is a million times while she grows up. Realize the powerful mirror you are in her life.

• Please “ruin her” and set the bar high by the way you treat your wife. Make your daughter feel like you want to be close to her. Take her on a date. Show her how she should be treated.

Dads, no one replaces the place you hold in her heart. 

Every little girl and every big girl wants her daddy’s love.

Share with me how your dad made you feel loved or how your husband shows special love to your daughter.

P.S. - Send this to a dad of a daughter.

CHRISTIE LEE RAYBURN

ChristieLeeRayburn.com

BIKINIS FOR 7 YEAR OLDS!?!?

I am the mother of a six-year-old and despite the subject matter that I speak about, write about and research for my day job, we are extremely conservative at home. Just the other day, my daughter chastised me for using the “D” word. It’s probably not what you think…I had commented that something was “dumb”.  And, for the record, the word “stupid” might as well be cussing in our household.

When it comes to my own profession, I also realize the prudence in speaking openly about sexual questions that come up. A few have with Riley…although not as many as I was expecting by this age. When she does broach the subject, I ask for clarity on what it is she is trying to learn and why, so that I can answer the question simply and truthfully but not answer too much. (There’s the old joke of the Dad who went into a lengthy explanation about sex to his child who asked “what’s sex”, only to find out that the child had been told by his mother that “dinner would be ready in a few “secs”.) I try to balance healthy candor about the subject of sexuality with the fact that we hold pretty conservative values as a family.

So, I was horrified to learn that Abercrombie & Fitch has just marketed a bikini for 7-year-old girls with a PUSH UP TOP.



Really????  Seriously!?!  Are you kidding me!!???

We are facing an epidemic of little girls growing up believing that their bodies are inadequate because of the ridiculous amount of media pressure to be a perpetual size 0, and yet they want to send a message to our 7-year-olds that their pre-pubescent chests are inadequate? It’s ludicrous.

But, as CNN’s LZ Granderson points out, companies such as Abercrombie & Fitch would not sell such items if there were not parents who buy them. Companies have increasingly pushed the boundaries on what is and what is not appropriate for teens and children for years, and have been allowed a ridiculous amount of latitude from parents. As parents, it is our duty to make sure that our children wear items that reflect a healthy amount of self-respect rather than just what is the latest fashion. As Granderson says,

I don’t care how popular Lil’ Wayne is, my son knows I would break both of his legs long before I would allow him to walk out of the house with his pants falling off his butt. Such a stance doesn’t always makes me popular — and the house does get tense from time to time — but I’m his father, not his friend.

Thank you, LZ for making the point that is so often lost on my peers. We did not give birth to children so that we could have life-long buddies. When we chose to produce off-spring, we were making a decision to train these little beings how to love themselves and how love others. Decisions that fall within these parameters do not necessarily make us popular with our children, but they do make us good parents.

Because of my job, I get asked all the time how to talk to kids about sex.  There are lots of opinions on that subject – when to start, how much to share, what’s age appropriate information.  But I don’t even have to broach any of those points to get to the basic premise here: Talking to your kids about sex includes how you let them dress – or how you choose to dress them.

That’s my take-away for this blog post.  But in the interest of fairness, I should say that Abercrombie & Fitch have agreed to remove the term “push up” from the title in favour of the less incendiary “striped triangle”, but have continued selling the padded bikinis.

What are you thoughts?

ERYN-FAYE FRANS
Canada's Passion Coach ®
erynfaye.com

10 INCHES OF HAIR

That is how much is needed if you want to donate your hair to Locks of Love so that another little girl may have a chance at a head of hair. During our homeschool about a week back, we were talking about ways we can share and help others. We spoke of sharing our toys, our fruit snacks, our time, our energy, etc until Mama, with her ever-present big mouth, says something along the lines of "We can also share our body parts!".

If there ever was a moment where there was a Life Pause Button, it would have been that moment. I knew that if I didn't quickly add the appropriate direction on to the end of that sentence, we would have to discuss death and organ donations and how they do that and why we have to die and the conversation would end in tears as Caelan begs me to never die. Trust me...I have been there!

So...I quickly added how we can donate our hair, our blood or organs that we don't maybe need as much as other people who do. Hair?  This peaked Caelan's interest as she would NEVER consider cutting her gorgeous locks. Over the course of the week, she asked me random questions like "Does hair grow back?", "Why don't other people have hair?", "How do they use donated hair?", etc. I answered each one as best as I could and showed her pictures of what cancer treatments do to people and their hair. She was deeply touched.

On one special night, she and I did our nightly cuddle time and she whispered to me "Mama...I think I want to donate all of my hairs to a little girl who needs it." My heart melted. Not wanting to wait too long and lose the opportunity, my fingers dialed that salon as fast as I could to make an appointment.

What an amazing organization Locks of Love is! How they coordinate and appropriate all this hair that had once been trash, and turn it in to such a gift for these beautiful women and girls is unbelievable to me. I was so moved by Caelan's decision...so moved by her.

Rubberbanding the hair together to prep it for the donation. They have organized rules to make sure that as much hair as possible can be kept for re-purposing.

She was SO happy to see it get cut off. I almost cried but ended up holding it together. Not that I didn't want her to cut her hair...just shocking to see her sweet baby tendrils go away.  This was her first haircut EVER you know.

As we drove home, the view in my rear view took my breath away.  My little girl who now looks like a big, grown-up girl has cut her hair off just to give to someone else.  She recognized her over abundance and considered how she could bless someone else.  Do I do that?  In all the blessings poured out on me, do I rubber band sections and give them away?  Do I put myself under the scissors to help someone I don't know?  Do I take my FIRST harvest and give away even a portion of the things that were so graciously given to me?      

She taught me such a huge lesson that morning.  We are the parents, true...but the things they teach us sometimes...amazing.    

Amy B 

amybphotography.com/blog